Let the other person save face when you correct a mistake

Meaning

This quote means protecting a person’s dignity and self-esteem even when you have to point out their error. It’s the art of correcting the mistake without destroying their self-esteem.

Explanation

Many managers and leaders think being right is winning. But the real win is getting the result along with maintaining the relationship intact. When you publicly humiliate someone by highlighting their mistake, it triggers a primal defense mechanism. They stop listening to you and start fighting for their social status. But when you give them a graceful way to be wrong, they listen to you. It’s the difference between being a critic and being a coach.

Origin & Factcheck

It is one of the chapter in book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. The chapter name is, “Let the other person save face”. This is added with “when you correct a mistake” which is the essence of this chapter in the book.

Context

In the book, this principle sits within a section about how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. He argues that making someone feel foolish is the fastest way to make an enemy, not a ally.

Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it! We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticising a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride.

Usage Examples

Here’s how this quote can be used:

• For a Manager: Instead of “Your report was full of errors,” try “This is a great start on the report. I had a couple of questions on the data in section three, can we walk over a coffee?” You’ve shifted being an accuser to collaborator.
• For a Colleague: If a teammate misspeaks in a meeting, don’t call them out publicly. Pull them aside later and say, “Hey, in that meeting, I think you might have meant Q4, not Q3. Easy mix-up. Just wanted to let you know for next time.” You become a trusted ally, not a rival.
• For a Parent: Instead of “You failed this test because you didn’t study,” try “This topic seems to have been tricky. Let’s look at where the gaps are, so we can tackle them better next time.” You’re addressing the problem without attacking their character.

Common questions

Question: Any example from Carnegie where someone employed this technique?

Answer: Carnegie in his book,  tells the story of Charles Schwab who sees workers smoking directly under a “No Smoking” sign. Instead of shouting at them, he calmly handed each man a cigar and said, I’ll appreciate it, if you will smoke these outside. The workers felt respected, never forgot the lesson.

Question: What if the person doesn’t realize they made a mistake?

Answer: That’s the whole point! You need to make them realize it, but without the public shame. You create a private, safe space for the correction to happen, which makes them far more likely to actually hear your feedback.

Question: Does this mean I should never be direct?

Answer: Not at all. You can be direct and still let someone save face. It’s about how you deliver the message. It’s the difference between “You’re wrong” and “I see it differently, here’s why…” .