Find book, related quotes, context, and questions about quote – If you argue and win, you lose, because you made the other person feel inferior.
It’s talks about how we think about persuasion and influence in both business and life.
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Meaning
The core message is that a tactical victory in an argument often leads to a strategic defeat in the relationship. You might be right, but you end up making an enemy.
Explanation
For years, I thought being the smartest person in the room, the one with all the answers, was the goal. But, when you win someone in an argument by proving them wrong, you’re attacking their ego. You’re making them feel small, and a person who feels small will never be truly persuaded. It’s about shifting your goal from winning the argument to winning the person.
Summary
| Category | Skill (39) |
|---|---|
| Topics | argument (3), communication (40), respect (10) |
| Style | clear (16), memorable (18) |
| Mood | general (4), rational (4) |
Origin & Factcheck
This is paraphrased quote from Carnegie’s book.
| Author | Dale Carnegie (66) |
|---|---|
| Book | How to Win Friends and Influence People (35) |
Author Bio
Dale Carnegie (1888), an American writer received worldwide recognition for his influential books on relationship, leadership, and public speaking. Among his timeless classics, the Dale Carnegie book list includes How to Win Friends and Influence People is the most influential which inspires millions even today.
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Where is this quotation located?
| If you argue and win, you lose. Because you made the other person feel inferior |
| Publication Year/Date: 1936 original, Revised Edition 1981, ISBN/Unique Identifier: 9780671723651, Pages 280 |
| Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, Page 112 |
Context
If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.
Usage Examples
- For a Manager: Instead of telling “Your report is wrong, here are the correct numbers,” try “I see how you got to that conclusion. Let’s walk through the data together; I might have a different perspective to add.” You guide them to the right answer without a public defeat.
- For a Salesperson: A client says, “Your competitor’s product is cheaper.” Arguing that your product is better puts them on the defensive. Instead, you say, “They are a great company. Can I show you the specific features that explain the price difference and the long-term value?” You acknowledge their point and pivot to value.
- In a Relationship: Your partner misremembers a story. The instinct is to correct them. But ask yourself: Is being right about this tiny detail worth making them feel foolish? Usually, the answer is no.
To whom it appeals?
| Audience | leaders (149), negotiators (5), students (216), teachers (91) |
|---|---|
This quote can be used in following contexts: relationship talks,communication training,leadership lessons,self-improvement workshops,conflict management
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Common Questions
Question: Should I never stand up for what I believe is right?
Answer: It isn’t about surrendering your principles. It’s about choosing your battles.
Question: What if I’m in a situation where I genuinely have to prove someone wrong, like in a legal or safety context?
Answer: In such scenarios, accuracy is important. The principle still applies on how you deliver it. You can present the correct information as collaboratively as possible. “I need to bring this to your attention because the consequences are significant.” The goal is to solve the problem, not to humiliate the person.
Question: Doesn’t this approach make you seem weak?
Answer: It’s the exact opposite, honestly. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and emotional intelligence to suppress the ego’s desire to be right. People see this not as weakness, but as confidence and maturity.
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