You know, “A prerequisite to empathy is simply paying attention” is such a powerful truth. It cuts through all the complexity and reminds us that real connection starts with a basic choice: to actually notice someone.
Share Image Quote:At its heart, this quote means you can’t even begin to be empathetic if you’re not first paying attention. It’s the foundational step, the absolute non-negotiable.
Look, we get so caught up in thinking empathy is this mystical, complex skill. We think it’s about saying the perfect thing or having some profound emotional insight. But Goleman is telling us it’s way more practical than that. It’s a behavior before it’s a feeling. You have to stop, you have to look, you have to truly listen. Your focus is the fuel for empathy. Without it, the engine doesn’t even turn over. It’s that simple, and that difficult.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (3670) |
| Category | Emotion (177) |
| Topics | attention (57), compassion (36), empathy (143) |
| Literary Style | clear (348), plain (102) |
| Emotion / Mood | empathetic (29), tender (51) |
| Overall Quote Score | 76 (131) |
This comes straight from Daniel Goleman’s landmark 1995 book, “Emotional Intelligence,” which was published in the United States. You sometimes see similar sentiments floating around, but this specific, clean phrasing is definitively his.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Dr Daniel Goleman (50) |
| Source Type | Book (4032) |
| Source/Book Name | Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (54) |
| Origin Timeperiod | Contemporary (1615) |
| Original Language | English (3670) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4032) |
Daniel Goleman is a psychologist and bestselling author whose journalism at The New York Times brought brain and behavior science to a wide audience. He earned a BA from Amherst and a PhD in psychology from Harvard, and studied in India on a Harvard fellowship. Goleman’s research and writing helped mainstream emotional intelligence, leadership competencies, attention, and contemplative science. He co-founded CASEL and a leading research consortium on EI at work. The Daniel Goleman book list includes Emotional Intelligence, Working with Emotional Intelligence, Primal Leadership, Social Intelligence, Focus, and Altered Traits.
| Official Website
| Quotation | A prerequisite to empathy is simply paying attention to the person in pain |
| Book Details | Publication Year: 1995; ISBN: 978-0553375060; Last edition: 2005; Number of pages: 352 |
| Where is it? | Chapter: The Roots of Empathy, Approximate page 126 from 2005 edition |
In the book, this idea is nestled in a discussion about the building blocks of emotional intelligence. Goleman was making the case that this “softer” skill isn’t soft at all—it’s a series of learnable competencies, and the very first one is this act of directed attention.
I use this concept all the time. For instance, when coaching a new manager who’s struggling with their team, I don’t start with “be more empathetic.” I say, “In your next one-on-one, put your phone away. Close your laptop. And for just ten minutes, do nothing but listen. That’s your only job.” The shift is incredible. It’s also perfect for parents feeling disconnected from their teenagers, or for anyone in a relationship. The audience is literally anyone who interacts with other human beings.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Theme | Advice (652) |
| Audiences | leaders (2620), nurses (25), parents (430), teachers (1125), therapists (555) |
| Usage Context/Scenario | counseling guides (1), emotional education classes (1), empathy training (21), parenting discussions (1), therapy sessions (129) |
Question: Is paying attention really enough for empathy?
Answer: It’s the prerequisite, the gatekeeper. It’s not the entire journey, but you can’t take a single step without it. All the compassionate feelings in the world are useless if they’re not directed at someone you’re actually seeing.
Question: What’s the biggest barrier to paying attention these days?
Answer: Distraction, without a doubt. Our own internal monologue and our devices. We’re so busy formulating our response or checking a notification that we miss the person right in front of us.
Question: Can this be learned?
Answer: Absolutely. It’s a muscle. You practice by setting intention—”For the next five minutes, I will focus entirely on this person.” It feels awkward at first, then it becomes transformative.
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