Define the goal, then choose words that walk toward it… it sounds simple, right? But this is the secret sauce to getting what you want in any conversation. It’s not about manipulation; it’s about intentional communication. You’re basically building a verbal bridge from where you are to where you need to be.
Share Image Quote:It means your words should be deliberate steps, not random noise. Every sentence should serve the ultimate objective of the interaction.
Look, I’ve seen so many people, incredibly smart people, just talk in circles. They have a goal, sure, but their words are all over the place. They’re reactive. This quote flips that. It forces you to be proactive with your language. Before you even open your mouth, you have to ask yourself: “What is the single most important thing I want to achieve here?” Is it to get a “yes”? To de-escalate a conflict? To build trust? Once you have that North Star, every word you choose becomes a step. Some steps are for building rapport. Others are for presenting facts. Others are for making an ask. It’s a strategic, word-by-word journey to your destination.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Category | Business (233) |
| Topics | goals (48), intent (7), language (12) |
| Literary Style | metaphoric (105) |
| Emotion / Mood | realistic (354) |
| Overall Quote Score | 56 (13) |
This wisdom comes straight from the Dale Carnegie Training organization, published in their 2009 book, “The 5 Essential People Skills.” It’s a modern distillation of Carnegie’s core principles, not a direct quote from the man himself, Dale Carnegie, who passed away in 1955. So you won’t find him saying this verbatim, but the spirit is 100% pure Carnegie.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Dale Carnegie (408) |
| Source Type | Book (4032) |
| Source/Book Name | The 5 Essential People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts (71) |
| Origin Timeperiod | 21st Century (1892) |
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4032) |
Dale Carnegie(1888), an American writer received worldwide recognition for his influential books on relationship, leadership, and public speaking. His books and courses focus on human relations, and self confidence as the foundation for success. Among his timeless classics, the Dale Carnegie book list includes How to Win Friends and Influence People is the most influential which inspires millions even today for professional growth.
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| Quotation | Define the goal, then choose words that walk toward it |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 2008 ISBN/Unique Identifier: 9781416595489 (ISBN-13), 1416595487 (ISBN-10) Last edition. Number of pages: Common reprints ~256 pages |
| Where is it? | Chapter 14 Purposeful Conversations, Unverified – Edition 2008, page range ~177–188 |
In the book, this idea is nestled right in the middle of the chapter on assertiveness. It’s the crucial link between knowing what you want (the goal) and communicating it effectively without being aggressive (the words that walk). It’s the “how” of being assertive.
Question: Doesn’t this make conversations feel calculated and inauthentic?
Answer: It feels the opposite once you practice. It’s like having a map on a road trip. You’re not being “calculated,” you’re being prepared. This preparation actually reduces anxiety and lets you be more present and authentic because you’re not scrambling for what to say next.
Question: What if the other person derails the conversation?
Answer: That’s the beauty of having a clear goal. It acts as your anchor. When they go off track, you can gently guide it back with a phrase that serves your objective, like, “That’s an important point, and I’d like to circle back to how it relates to our main goal here, which is X.” You’re the guide.
Question: Is this only for serious, high-stakes talks?
Answer: Not at all. You can use it to plan a weekend with your partner. The goal is “a fun, relaxing weekend we both enjoy.” Your words then walk toward collaboration and shared interest instead of a debate over whose idea is better.
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