Don’t try to be interesting—be interested. It sounds simple, but this one shift in focus is the secret to transforming your conversations and connections. It’s about flipping the script from performance to presence, and the results are profound.
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Meaning
Stop performing and start paying attention. The most powerful way to connect with someone is to genuinely invest your curiosity in them.
Explanation
Look, I’ve seen it a thousand times. People, especially in networking or social situations, they put on this mask. They rehearse their stories, they try to be the wittiest person in the room. It’s exhausting. And frankly, it’s transparent.
What Lowndes is hitting on here is a fundamental law of human nature. When you focus on being interested, you do two things instantly. First, you take the immense pressure off yourself. No more performance anxiety. Second, and this is the magic part, you make the other person feel incredibly valued. You’re not just waiting for your turn to talk; you’re actually listening. And people can feel that. They open up. They remember you as a great conversationalist, even if you barely said a word about yourself. It’s a paradox that works every single time.
Quote Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Category | Skill (416) |
| Topics | communication (196), connection (265), curiosity (46) |
| Literary Style | clever (7), concise (408) |
| Emotion / Mood | friendly (32), reflective (382) |
| Overall Quote Score | 84 (319) |
Origin & Factcheck
This gem comes straight from Leil Lowndes’s 2002 book, Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work, published in the United States. You might sometimes see similar sentiments floating around, but this is the direct, original source. It’s not some ancient proverb misattributed to a famous philosopher; it’s a modern, practical tool from a communications expert.
Attribution Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Leil Lowndes (235) |
| Source Type | Book (4032) |
| Source/Book Name | Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work (50) |
| Origin Timeperiod | Contemporary (1615) |
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4032) |
Author Bio
Leil Lowndes writes about striking conversations with unknown people and how to put others at ease and maintain relationships. Her techniques are straightforward and practically usable that readers can apply immediately in their workplace, and everyday life. Her book list includes How to Talk to Anyone and Goodbye to Shy which have reached international audiences.
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Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | Don’t try to be interesting—be interested |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 2000; ISBN: 9780071412946; Last edition: McGraw-Hill, 2004; Number of pages: 304 |
| Where is it? | Chapter 23: The Interest Rule, Approximate page from 2004 edition |