Don’t try to impress people; interest them instead. It’s a simple shift in mindset that completely transforms how you connect, moving you from a performer to a partner in the conversation.
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Meaning
It’s about shifting your focus from seeking validation to creating genuine engagement.
Explanation
Look, I’ve seen this play out a thousand times. When you try to impress, you’re essentially putting on a show. You’re the actor on the stage, and everyone else is the critic. It’s a performance. And it’s exhausting. You’re constantly monitoring yourself, thinking, “Are they impressed? Do they think I’m smart? Successful?”
But when you aim to interest them… the whole dynamic flips. Suddenly, you’re not on stage anymore. You’re in the audience with them, both looking at the same fascinating thing. You become a curator of curiosity. You ask better questions. You listen—like, really listen—not just for a pause to jump in with your own story, but to understand what makes them tick.
And here’s the beautiful, counter-intuitive part: People become genuinely impressed by you when you are genuinely interested in them. It’s not the goal, but it’s the natural result. You become memorable. You become magnetic.
Quote Summary
Reading Level67
Aesthetic Score89
Origin & Factcheck
This gem comes straight from Leil Lowndes’s classic 1999 book, How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. You’ll sometimes see similar sentiments floating around, but this specific, powerful phrasing is all Lowndes.
Attribution Summary
Author Bio
Leil Lowndes writes about striking conversations with unknown people and how to put others at ease and maintain relationships. Her techniques are straightforward and practically usable that readers can apply immediately in their workplace, and everyday life. Her book list includes How to Talk to Anyone and Goodbye to Shy which have reached international audiences.
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Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | Don’t try to impress people; interest them instead |
| Book Details | Publication Year: 1999; ISBN: 978-0-07-141858-4; Last edition: 2018; Number of pages: 368. |
| Where is it? | Chapter 19: The Small Talk Secret, Approximate page 84 from 2018 edition |
Context
In the book, this isn’t just a one-off line. It’s the underlying philosophy for a whole suite of techniques. Tricks like “The Flooding Smile” and “The Swiveling Spotlight” are all practical ways to operationalize this idea of interesting people instead of trying to impress them. It’s the core strategy.
Usage Examples
So how does this work in the wild? Let me give you a couple of scenarios.
- At a Networking Event: Instead of leading with your title and achievements (the “impress” route), you ask the person, “What’s exciting you most about your work right now?” or “What’s a challenge you’re creatively solving?” This pivots to their passion, which is always interesting.
- On a Date: Ditch the resume of your life. Ask about a story behind a photo on their phone, or what a perfect, unproductive Saturday looks like for them. You’re seeking to understand their world.
- In a Sales Pitch: Stop listing every single feature of your product. Instead, ask so many questions about their problems and goals that you can then present your solution as the direct answer to their specific needs. You’ve made it about them.
This is for anyone who has ever left a conversation feeling drained or like they didn’t make a real connection. Leaders, salespeople, parents, you name it.
To whom it appeals?
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Common Questions
Question: What’s the actual difference between impressing and interesting someone? It seems subtle.
Answer: It’s all about energy flow. Impressing is a one-way broadcast: “Look at me.” Interesting is a two-way dialogue: “Tell me about you.” One is about taking, the other is about giving—the gift of your attention.
Question: Isn’t this just being manipulative?
Answer: Only if you’re faking it. The goal isn’t to *pretend* to be interested as a tactic. The goal is to *cultivate a genuine sense of curiosity* about other people. The shift has to be authentic, internal. When it is, it’s the opposite of manipulation; it’s the foundation of rapport.
Question: But don’t I need to showcase my skills and accomplishments?
Answer: Absolutely! But context is king. Let your competence be revealed through the conversation, as a natural part of solving a problem or sharing an experience. Don’t just announce it. It’s the difference between a chef describing the fresh, local ingredients and the story behind the dish versus just shouting “I’m a great chef!” from the kitchen.
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