Table of Contents
Meaning
Your core identity is defined by what makes you feel significant and valued.
Explanation
It’s not about what you say motivates you; it’s about tracking the emotional reward you’re truly chasing. The manager who feels important by micromanaging? That reveals a deep need for control. The colleague who lights up only when publicly praised? That shows their currency is recognition. Once you know someone’s “importance engine,” you can predict their behavior, understand their conflicts, and genuinely connect with them on their terms. It’s the master key to human dynamics.
Summary
| Category | Wisdom (30) |
|---|---|
| Topics | identity (13), self awareness (5), values (10) |
| Style | clear (39), philosophical (42) |
| Mood | curious (3), introspective (3) |
Origin & Factcheck
| Author | Dale Carnegie (163) |
|---|---|
| Book | How to Win Friends and Influence People (43) |
About the Author
Dale Carnegie, an American writer received worldwide recognition for his influential books on relationship, leadership, and public speaking. Among his timeless classics, the Dale Carnegie book list includes How to Win Friends and Influence People is the most influential which inspires millions even today.
Official Website
Quotation Source:
| If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are |
| Publication Year: 1936 original, Revised Edition 1981, ISBN/Unique Identifier: 9780671723651, Number of pages: 280 |
| Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, Chapter 2 Big secret of dealing with people, page 19 |
Context
In the book, this quote sits at the heart of a crucial section where Carnegie argues that the deepest human craving is to feel important. This appears is book as follows,
If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you. For example, John D. Rockefeller got his feeling of importance by giving money to erect a modern hospital in Peking, China, to care for millions of poor people whom he had never seen and never would see.
Usage Examples
Let me give you a couple of scenarios to use.
- For a Team Leader: Instead of getting frustrated with a difficult team member, ask: “How does this person get their feeling of importance?” If it’s through being the expert, give them a complex problem to solve. You’ve just aligned their deepest need with the team’s goal.
- In Sales or Negotiation: Before a meeting, don’t just research the company. Ask, “How does my counterpart get their feeling of importance?” Is it through data and logic? Respect their time and come with spreadsheets.
- For Self-Reflection: Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you feel important when you’re the smartest person in the room? When you’re helping others? When you’re winning? Your answer is a compass for your career choices and a warning for your blind spots.
To whom it appeals?
| Audience | leaders (279), psychologists (12), self help readers (5), students (412) |
|---|---|
This quote can be used in following contexts: leadership talks,coaching,personal development,motivational workshops,psychology classes
Common Questions
Question: Is seeking a “feeling of importance” a bad thing?
Answer: Not at all. It is a universal human drive. The method is what defines you. Seeking it through building up others is noble. Seeking it by tearing others down is toxic. The drive itself is just energy; it’s the direction that matters.
Question: Can a person’s source of importance change?
Answer: Absolutely. It’s not fixed. Life experiences, maturity, and conscious effort can shift it. A young professional might crave public accolades, while a seasoned leader might find deeper importance in mentoring. That’s the goal of personal growth, to refine what makes us feel significant.
Question: What if someone’s source of importance is unhealthy?
Answer: You can’t change it for them. But understanding it allows you to manage your own reactions and set better boundaries. You stop being surprised by their behavior and start managing the situation better.