If you want to change people appeal to Meaning Factcheck Usage

Context

In the book, this idea sits within a larger section on how to win people to your way of thinking. It comes right after principles like “Show respect for the other person’s opinions” and “Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.” So it’s part of a cohesive system, not just a one-off tip. The context is building genuine influence, not just getting a quick “yes.”

Usage Examples

Let me give you a couple of real-world ways I’ve applied this:

• For a Manager: Instead of saying “You need to stop missing deadlines,” you’d say, “I know you’re someone who takes real pride in your team’s reliability. Let’s figure out how we can make sure that shows up in our project timelines.” See the difference? You’re appealing to their identity as a good leader.
• For a Salesperson: Instead of “You should buy this because it’s the best,” try “As someone who’s clearly focused on long-term value for your company, this solution aligns perfectly with that forward-thinking strategy.” You’re not just selling a product; you’re validating their intelligence as a buyer.
• For a Parent: Instead of “Stop being so messy!” you might try “You’re such a great helper. Could you use those helper skills to get your toys back in the box?” It reframes the chore as an extension of their positive identity.

Common Questions

Question: Isn’t this just manipulation?

Answer: It’s a fine line, but the key is intent. Manipulation is about tricking someone for your benefit. This is about honestly finding a shared or noble motive and appealing to that. It’s a win-win, not a con.

Question: What if the person doesn’t have a noble motive?

Answer: I’d argue everyone has one, even if it’s buried. The most cynical person might be motivated by a desire to be seen as shrewd or pragmatic. Your job is to find that thread and pull on it.

Question: Does this work with everyone?

Answer: It’s a tool, not a magic wand. It dramatically increases your odds, but nothing works 100% of the time. The beauty is that even when it doesn’t fully work, it still creates a more positive and respectful interaction.