If you want to improve a person in Meaning Factcheck Usage

Context

In the book, this principle sits within a section about how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Carnegie frames it as the ultimate leadership technique, arguing that if you want to correct a fault, you should assume the virtue you desire is already a prominent feature of their character.

Usage Examples

Let me give you some real-world scenarios. For a manager with a disorganized employee, instead of micromanaging, you’d say, “I need your help organizing this project—you have a real knack for creating clear systems.” See the shift? You’re speaking to the organized person they can become. For a parent with a messy child: “You’re such a great helper when it comes to tidying up your toys, let’s put that talent to work.” It works with partners, friends, anyone. The audience is literally anyone who needs to influence human behavior, which is everyone.

Common Questions

Question: Isn’t this just manipulation?

Answer: It can be, if your intent is selfish. But if your genuine goal is to help someone improve, it’s empowerment. The line is your intention.

Question: What if the person knows it’s not true?

Answer: You have to be credible. Start small. If someone is never on time, calling them “punctual” will fall flat. Instead, acknowledge a small improvement: “I noticed you were early for our meeting today, I really appreciate that reliability.” Build on a grain of truth.

Question: How is this different from simple praise?

Answer: Praise is about a past action (“Good job on that report”). This technique is about defining a person’s enduring character (“You are a meticulous analyst”). The latter is far more identity-shifting.