Meditation is the cultivation of intimacy… that’s the key. It’s not about emptying your mind, but about getting deeply, personally familiar with the here and now.
Share Image Quote:At its heart, this quote reframes meditation from an act of escape to an act of connection. It’s about building a close, friendly relationship with your immediate reality, whatever it contains.
Let me break this down because it changed my whole perspective. Most people think meditation is about fighting your thoughts, right? Battling distraction. Goleman flips that. “Cultivation” – that’s the first clue. It’s a gentle, patient process, like tending a garden. You’re not yanking out the weeds, you’re just preparing the soil.
And “intimacy with the present moment.” That’s the real genius. Intimacy. It implies a deep, accepting familiarity. You’re not just tolerating the present moment; you’re getting to know it. The sound of the traffic, the tightness in your shoulder, the random memory that pops up. You’re not pushing any of it away. You’re leaning in, with a sort of curious, gentle attention. That shift, from combat to curiosity, is everything.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Category | Life (320) |
| Topics | intimacy (7), mindfulness (31), presence (80) |
| Literary Style | poetic (635) |
| Emotion / Mood | peaceful (147), warm (182) |
| Overall Quote Score | 87 (185) |
This comes straight from Daniel Goleman’s 1988 book, The Meditative Mind: The Varieties of Meditative Experience. It’s a foundational text, written before he became a household name with Emotional Intelligence. You sometimes see this quote floating around unattached or misattributed to Buddhist teachers, but its home is right there in Goleman’s early, crucial work.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Daniel Goleman (125) |
| Source Type | Book (4032) |
| Source/Book Name | The Meditative Mind: The Varieties of Meditative Experience (60) |
| Origin Timeperiod | Modern (530) |
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4032) |
Daniel Goleman is a psychologist and bestselling author whose journalism at The New York Times brought brain and behavior science to a wide audience. He earned a BA from Amherst and a PhD in psychology from Harvard, and studied in India on a Harvard fellowship. Goleman’s research and writing helped mainstream emotional intelligence, leadership competencies, attention, and contemplative science. He co-founded CASEL and a leading research consortium on EI at work. The Daniel Goleman book list includes Emotional Intelligence, Working with Emotional Intelligence, Primal Leadership, Social Intelligence, Focus, and Altered Traits.
| Official Website
| Quotation | Meditation is the cultivation of intimacy with the present moment |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 1977 (originally as The Varieties of Meditative Experience, revised 1988 as The Meditative Mind); ISBN: 9780874778335; Last Edition: Tarcher/Putnam 1988; Number of pages: 320. |
| Where is it? | Approximate page from 1988 edition, Chapter 4: Insight Meditation |
Goleman wasn’t just writing a self-help book here. He was a psychologist and science journalist doing a deep dive into meditation traditions from around the world. He was mapping the territory, showing that while techniques differ, the core intent is universal: a radical shift in how we relate to our own experience, right here, right now.
So how do you actually use this? It’s a game-changer for a few key audiences.
For the “I can’t meditate” crowd: When they say their mind is too busy, you can say, “Perfect! You’re not failing. The goal isn’t a blank mind. It’s to get intimate with that very busyness. Just notice it, get curious about it. That’s the practice.”
For seasoned practitioners feeling stuck: It re-enchants the practice. It’s a reminder that you’re not just clocking minutes on a cushion; you’re deepening a relationship. It turns a routine into a romance with reality.
And in coaching or therapy: It’s a brilliant frame for mindfulness. We’re not trying to eliminate anxiety or stress; we’re learning to sit with it, to know it so well that it loses its power over us. That’s cultivation. That’s intimacy.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Theme | Wisdom (1754) |
| Audiences | coaches (1277), seekers (406), students (3111), writers (363) |
| Usage Context/Scenario | life coaching (109), motivational writing (240), self-awareness classes (5), spiritual reflections (44) |
Question: How is this different from just “living in the moment”?
Answer: “Living in the moment” can be passive. Intimacy is active. It’s a deliberate, engaged curiosity. You’re not just *in* the moment; you’re getting to *know* it.
Question: What if the present moment is painful? How can I be intimate with that?
Answer: This is the toughest part. Intimacy doesn’t mean you like the pain. It means you stop running and turn toward it with a gentle, investigative awareness. You learn its texture, its edges. This act of non-resistant awareness is what ultimately transforms the relationship with the pain.
Question: Can you cultivate intimacy without formal meditation?
Answer: Absolutely. The formal practice is like going to the gym for this skill. But you can apply it anytime—when you’re washing dishes, stuck in traffic, or listening to a friend. Just drop in and get curious about the raw data of your senses and feelings, right then and there.
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