Moralistic judgments encourage violence between people. It sounds counterintuitive, but Rosenberg argues that labeling others as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ is the very seed of conflict.
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Meaning
At its core, this quote means that when we use language that labels, blames, or diagnoses people’s character, we’re not communicating—we’re attacking. And attacks, even verbal ones, are a form of psychological violence that begets more violence.
Explanation
Let me break this down because it’s a game-changer. We’re taught that to be “good” people, we need to make moral judgments, right? But Rosenberg flips that entirely. He draws a hard line between moralistic judgments and value judgments.
Value judgments are about what we value—”I value honesty.” Moralistic judgments are about what someone *is*—”You are a liar.”
See the difference? The first is about my needs. The second is an attack on your character. And that character attack, that label, is a form of violence. It shuts down connection instantly. It makes the other person defensive, angry, or shut down. They either retreat or counter-attack. And just like that, you’re in a conflict cycle. The violence might not be physical, but it’s real. It’s the violence of the spirit, of the relationship.
Quote Summary
Reading Level80
Aesthetic Score65
Origin & Factcheck
This is straight from Marshall Rosenberg’s seminal work, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The book first came out in 1999, rooted in Rosenberg’s decades of work in conflict mediation across the US and in some of the world’s most contentious war zones.
You sometimes see similar sentiments misattributed to other peace advocates, but this specific, sharp framing is pure Rosenberg. It’s the bedrock of his entire NVC model.
Attribution Summary
Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | Moralistic judgments encourage violence between people |
| Book Details | Publication Year: 1999; ISBN: 9781892005038; Last edition: 3rd Edition (2015); Number of pages: 264. |
| Where is it? | Chapter 3: Identifying and Expressing Feelings, Page 46 (2015 edition) |
Context
In the book, this idea isn’t just a passing thought. It’s the foundation of the entire first chapter. Rosenberg positions this type of judgmental language as the primary block to compassion. He argues it’s a language of domination, a way of life we’ve been conditioned into that systematically creates distance and conflict, from our living rooms to global politics.
Usage Examples
So how do you use this? It’s a lens for every difficult conversation.
- For Leaders & Managers: Instead of telling a team member, “Your work is sloppy and you’re being irresponsible,” you connect it to a need: “When I see these errors, I’m concerned because I value precision and reliability. Can we talk about what support you might need?”
- In Relationships: Instead of the classic, “You’re so selfish for not helping with the dishes!” you might say, “When I’m cleaning alone, I feel overwhelmed because I really need partnership and support in maintaining our home.”
- For Parents: Shifting from “Stop being so difficult!” to “I see you’re really frustrated right now. It’s hard when you can’t have what you want, isn’t it? Let’s figure this out.”
The audience is literally anyone who communicates. Seriously. From CEOs to teachers to parents.
To whom it appeals?
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Common Questions
Question: But isn’t calling something “violent” itself a moral judgment?
Answer: Brilliant question, and Rosenberg addresses this. He says it’s about observing the *effect* on human connection and well-being, not about labeling the person as “violent.” It’s a descriptive observation, not a character indictment.
Question: Does this mean we can never say someone is wrong?
Answer: It’s not about never disagreeing. It’s about *how* you disagree. You can observe behavior and state your needs without attaching a global, moral label to the other person’s essence. It’s the difference between “That action didn’t meet my need for safety” and “You are a bad person.”
Question: This feels really hard to do in the heat of the moment.
Answer: You’re 100% right. It’s a practice. It feels unnatural at first because we’re swimming in a culture of blame. The first step is just noticing when you’re making those internal moralistic judgments. The language shift comes later. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
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