Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love… it’s to be genuinely loved by choice. This shifts the entire focus from a fleeting feeling to a deliberate, sustainable action, which is the real secret to lasting relationships.
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Meaning
The core message here is that true emotional security comes not from the initial rush of infatuation, but from the profound certainty that you are chosen and loved intentionally.
Explanation
Let me break this down because it’s a game-changer. “Falling in love” is easy. It’s an instinct, a chemical high. It happens to you. But being “genuinely loved”… that’s something else entirely. That’s a love based on reason and choice. It’s the love that looks at you, sees all your flaws and quirks, and consciously decides, every day, to stay and pour into you. It’s the difference between a spark and a steady, warm fire you can build a life on. This is the foundational idea behind the whole “Love Languages” concept—it gives you the tools to make that conscious choice actionable.
Quote Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (4111) |
| Category | Relationship (333) |
| Topics | authenticity (123), commitment (34), emotional needs (4) |
| Literary Style | analytical (123) |
| Emotion / Mood | intimate (11), reflective (427), thoughtful (30) |
| Overall Quote Score | 78 (185) |
Origin & Factcheck
This is straight from Gary Chapman’s 1992 book, The 5 Love Languages, which originated from his work as a marriage counselor in the United States. You sometimes see this quote misattributed to other relationship experts, but its home is unequivocally in Chapman’s seminal work.
Attribution Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Gary Chapman (41) |
| Source Type | Book (4690) |
| Source/Book Name | The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (41) |
| Origin Timeperiod | Contemporary (1831) |
| Original Language | English (4111) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4690) |
Author Bio
Dr. Gary Chapman is a pastor/counselor who authored many books such as Five Love Languages which has transformed millions of relationships. He teaches families and couples on how to express love and care in ways that are understood. He holds multiple degrees from Wheaton, Wake Forest, and Southwestern Seminary, he blends scholarship with real-life counselling. For a quick overview of his works, check this Gary Chapman book list and find tips for better marriage, parenting, and personal growth.
| Official Website | Facebook | X| Instagram | YouTube
Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 1992; ISBN/Unique Identifier: 9780802412706; Last edition: Revised Edition (2015); Number of pages: 208 |
| Where is it? | Chapter 2: Keeping the Love Tank Full, Approximate page 42, Revised Edition (2015) |