People respond to clarity and courtesy more than Meaning Factcheck Usage

Context

In the book, this idea is presented as a cornerstone of assertive communication—the sweet spot between passive and aggressive. It’s the tool you use to resolve conflicts without creating new ones, to stand your ground without stepping on toes. It’s the heart of what they call “people skills.”

Usage Examples

Think about this in your next one-on-one. Instead of pressuring a team member with “Why isn’t this report done yet?”, try the clear and courteous approach: “Hey, I know you’re swamped. To help me get this over the finish line, what’s the one thing blocking you on the Q3 report?” You’re solving the problem *with* them, not attacking them.

This is gold for managers, salespeople, honestly anyone who has to deal with… well, people. Parents, too. Trying to get a toddler to put on their shoes? Yelling rarely works. A clear, calm request often does. It’s a universal principle.

To whom it appeals?

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FAQ

Question: Does being “courteous” mean I have to be a pushover?

Answer: Absolutely not. That’s the beauty of it. You can be crystal clear and firm about your boundaries or expectations while still being polite. It’s about respecting the person, even when you disagree with their position.

Question: What if the other person is the one using volume and pressure?

Answer: That’s the real test, right? The most powerful thing you can do is not mirror their energy. Stay calm, listen, and then respond with your own clarity. You refuse to play their game, and in doing so, you often completely defuse the situation.

Question: Is this still relevant in fast-paced, high-pressure environments?

Answer: It’s *especially* relevant there. When everything is moving fast, clarity prevents catastrophic misunderstandings, and courtesy maintains team cohesion under stress. It’s the glue.