People who can t express their feelings are Meaning Factcheck Usage

Context

In the book, this isn’t just a throwaway line. It’s central to his argument about why EQ matters as much, if not more, than IQ. He’s building the case that this inability to manage our inner world has massive, real-world consequences—in our schools, our homes, and our businesses. He frames it as a critical failure of self-awareness and self-regulation, two core components of emotional intelligence.

Usage Examples

This is where it gets practical. I use this concept all the time.

• With My Team: When I see a normally stellar employee start missing deadlines, I don’t just assume they’re slacking. I’ll reference this idea in a one-on-one: “I’ve noticed the shift, and I’m wondering if something’s up that you haven’t felt able to express. Sometimes when we can’t talk about stress, it starts to affect our work in other ways.” It opens the door.
• In Leadership Workshops: I tell managers, “Your job is to be a pressure-release valve, not a lid. Create psychological safety so your team can express frustrations before they act them out by quitting or disengaging.”
• For Parents: Explaining to a parent that their teen’s slamming door isn’t just “attitude”—it’s often the acting out of a feeling they can’t name, like humiliation or anxiety.

To whom it appeals?

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FAQ

Question: Is this the same as “acting out” in kids?
Answer: Exactly. It’s the same core mechanism. A toddler who can’t say “I’m tired” has a tantrum. An adult who can’t say “I’m burned out” suddenly blows up at a colleague. The expression is just more “socially complex,” but the root is identical.

Question: So, is the solution just to “vent” more?
Answer: Not exactly. Venting without purpose can just reinforce the negativity. The key is articulation. It’s the difference between screaming “I’m so angry!” and being able to identify and say, “I feel disrespected because my input was ignored in that meeting.” That shift from raw emotion to labeled feeling is everything.

Question: What if someone just isn’t comfortable sharing feelings?
Answer: Great point. It’s not about forcing public confessionals. The first and most important step is self-expression. Journaling, talking to a therapist, even just naming the feeling to yourself. The destructive part is when it’s completely repressed, even from oneself. Acknowledging it internally is the first step to preventing the destructive leak.