You know how some people just get you from the moment you meet? That instant connection is a powerful trust-builder, and Leil Lowndes nailed it. It’s less about what you say and more about making someone feel truly understood.
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Table of Contents
- Meaning
- Explanation
- Origin & Factcheck
- Context
- Usage Examples
- FAQ
Meaning
The core idea is simple: Feeling understood is the fast track to trust. It’s a fundamental human need.
Explanation
Let me break this down for you. This isn’t about some magical mind-reading trick. It’s about active, empathetic listening. When someone reflects our feelings or our perspective back to us, it validates our experience. It tells our subconscious, “This person is safe. They are like me.” And that’s a feeling we’re hardwired to reward with trust. It bypasses a lot of the usual social barriers we put up. It’s a shortcut to rapport.
Quote Summary
Reading Level67
Aesthetic Score87
Origin & Factcheck
This insight comes straight from Leil Lowndes’s classic, How to Talk to Anyone, first published in the United States back in 1999. It’s a cornerstone of her practical advice on building rapport, and it’s often mistaken for just common sense, but she was one of the first to codify it so clearly for a mass audience.
Attribution Summary
Author Bio
Leil Lowndes writes about striking conversations with unknown people and how to put others at ease and maintain relationships. Her techniques are straightforward and practically usable that readers can apply immediately in their workplace, and everyday life. Her book list includes How to Talk to Anyone and Goodbye to Shy which have reached international audiences.
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Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | People who seem to ‘get’ us instantly earn our trust |
| Book Details | Publication Year: 1999; ISBN: 978-0-07-141858-4; Last edition: 2018; Number of pages: 368. |
| Where is it? | Chapter 24: Instant Understanding, Approximate page 104 from 2018 edition |
Context
In the book, this isn’t a standalone philosophical point. It’s the underlying principle for so many of her “92 little tricks.” The whole book is essentially a manual on how to consciously create that “you get me” feeling through specific, actionable communication techniques.
Usage Examples
So, how do you actually use this? It’s about shifting your focus from being interesting to being interested.
- For Salespeople: Instead of launching into a pitch, listen first. If a client mentions they’re “overwhelmed with complex software,” your next line shouldn’t be about features. It should be, “It sounds like you’re looking for a solution that’s straightforward and saves you time, not creates more work.” Boom. You get them.
- For Managers: An employee is frustrated. Don’t just solve the problem. Acknowledge the feeling. “I can see why that would be incredibly frustrating.” You’ve just validated their experience and built trust before you even discuss a solution.
- For Anyone Networking: Listen for their “hot button”—the thing they’re passionate about. Then, ask a deeper question about it. You’re showing you understand what’s important to them, which is a huge part of “getting” someone.
To whom it appeals?
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FAQ
Question: Is this about just agreeing with everything someone says?
Answer: Not at all. It’s about understanding their perspective, not necessarily endorsing it. You can understand why someone is angry without agreeing with their anger. The validation is in the understanding.
Question: Can this be faked?
Answer: For a short time, maybe. But people have a sharp nose for insincerity. The goal isn’t to fake understanding; it’s to genuinely cultivate the curiosity required to achieve it. The techniques get you in the door, but authenticity keeps you there.
Question: What if I’m just not a “people person”?
Answer: That’s the beautiful part. This is a skill, not a personality trait. It’s a set of behaviors you can practice. Start small. In your next conversation, just focus entirely on understanding the other person’s point of view. The feeling, the “why” behind their words. The trust will follow.
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