Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving… it’s a shield we use to avoid pain. It’s a belief system that promises safety but actually keeps us from truly connecting and doing our best work.
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Meaning
At its core, this quote reframes perfectionism not as a virtue, but as a defense mechanism. It’s not about excellence; it’s about using a perfect facade to insulate yourself from criticism and shame.
Explanation
Let me break this down for you. For years, I used to wear “I’m a perfectionist” as a badge of honor. It sounded like I had high standards, right? But what Brene Brown nails here is the why. The striving for excellence is internally motivated—it’s about growth. Perfectionism? That’s externally motivated. It’s a heavy, exhausting armor we put on because we think, “If I can just make this flawless, no one can hurt me. No one can point a finger. I’ll be safe from that gut-wrenching feeling of shame.” But here’s the kicker—it’s a trap. Because perfection is unattainable. So you’re just setting yourself up for that exact pain you’re trying to avoid. It’s a pre-emptive strike against yourself.
Quote Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (4111) |
| Category | Education (341) |
| Topics | fear (103), perfectionism (26) |
| Literary Style | didactic (393) |
| Emotion / Mood | clarifying (21) |
| Overall Quote Score | 79 (250) |
Origin & Factcheck
This is straight from Brené Brown’s 2012 book, Daring Greatly, which came out in the United States. You sometimes see this idea floating around attributed to others, but the specific phrasing and the deep psychological framing of it as a shield against shame is pure Brené. It’s her research, her voice.
Attribution Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Brene Brown (257) |
| Source Type | Book (4604) |
| Source/Book Name | Daring Greatly (39) |
| Origin Timeperiod | 21st Century (1995) |
| Original Language | English (4111) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4604) |
Author Bio
Dr Brene Brown is the author of books such as Daring Greatly and The Power of Vulnerability. The TED talk and Netflix production based on her research reached out to millions of audience. She researches effects of courage and vulnerability in shaping people's work and relationships. She leads the Brené Brown Education and Research Group and provides evidence-based insights into practical tools to help people train themselves
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Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. It is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 2012; ISBN/Unique Identifier: 9781592407330; Last edition. Number of pages: 287. |
| Where is it? | Approximate page from 2012 Gotham edition |