Self-compassion is not indulgence; it’s giving yourself permission to try again without the crushing weight of self-contempt. It’s the difference between getting back up with kindness versus with a whip. This is the secret to resilience, not self-pity.
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Meaning
At its core, this quote reframes self-compassion as a tool for growth, not an excuse for stagnation. It’s the active choice to release self-hatred so you can get back in the game.
Explanation
Look, this is where most people get it wrong. They think being kind to themselves after a failure is letting themselves off the hook. But that’s not it at all. What Brene is pointing to is the profound difference between the two paths after you mess up.
One path is indulgence. That’s where you say, “This is too hard, I give up,” and you numb out or make excuses. It’s passive. The other path, the one of true self-compassion, is active. It’s saying, “Okay, that didn’t work. I’m disappointed, but I’m not a disappointment. What did I learn? Let me try a different way.” You drop the contempt—that heavy, soul-crushing weight—and you free up all that mental energy to actually do better next time. It’s a performance strategy, honestly.
Quote Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Category | Wisdom (385) |
| Topics | contempt (2) |
| Literary Style | clear (348), measured (7) |
| Emotion / Mood | kind (19), realistic (354) |
| Overall Quote Score | 72 (65) |
Origin & Factcheck
This wisdom comes straight from Brené Brown’s 2004 book, Women & Shame: Reaching Out, Speaking Truths, which originated from her groundbreaking research in the United States. You’ll sometimes see this quote misattributed to other self-help figures, but its true home is in Brown’s early, powerful work on shame resilience.
Attribution Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Brene Brown (257) |
| Source Type | Book (4032) |
| Source/Book Name | Women & Shame: Reaching Out, Speaking Truths (39) |
| Origin Timeperiod | 21st Century (1892) |
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4032) |
Author Bio
Dr Brene Brown is the author of books such as Daring Greatly and The Power of Vulnerability. The TED talk and Netflix production based on her research reached out to millions of audience. She researches effects of courage and vulnerability in shaping people's work and relationships. She leads the Brené Brown Education and Research Group and provides evidence-based insights into practical tools to help people train themselves
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Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | Self-compassion is not indulgence; it is permission to try again without the weight of contempt |
| Book Details | Publication Year: 2004; (other edition details unknown) |
| Where is it? | Approximate page from 2004 Hazelden edition, Chapter: Self-Compassion |