Talk in terms of the other persons interests Meaning Factcheck Usage

Meaning

At its core, it means shifting the entire focus of a conversation from yourself and your own agenda to the world, desires, and priorities of the person you’re speaking with.

Explanation

Look, we’re all hardwired to care about our own stuff. Our own goals, our own problems, our own hobbies. It’s just human nature. What Carnegie figured out—and what I’ve seen proven true over and over—is that the quickest way to get someone’s attention, to build rapport, to become genuinely memorable, is to step into their world. It’s not about manipulation; it’s about connection. When you make people feel heard and understood on their own terms, you build a level of trust that you simply cannot get by just talking about yourself. You stop being a salesperson or a manager and you start being a partner, a confidant. It completely flips the script.

Origin & Factcheck

This is straight from the classic, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” first published in the United States back in 1936. It’s one of the six core principles he lays out for making people like you. You’ll sometimes see similar sentiments floating around misattributed to other figures, but this is pure, foundational Carnegie.

Context

In the book, this principle sits right in the middle of a section literally called “Six Ways to Make People Like You.” Carnegie wasn’t presenting this as a sneaky tactic, but as a sincere, fundamental rule for human relationships. He frames it as the secret to becoming a great conversationalist, which is really just being a great listener who guides the talk toward the other person’s passions.

Usage Examples

Let’s get practical. Who is this for? Honestly, everyone. But here are a few concrete ways I’ve seen it work:

• For a Salesperson: Instead of launching into your product’s 20 features, you start by asking, “So, what’s the biggest challenge your team is facing with [their current process] right now?” You’re immediately talking about their interests: their pain, their efficiency, their budget.
• For a Manager: In a one-on-one, you don’t just run down your list of tasks. You ask, “What part of your project are you most excited about right now?” or “What’s one thing that would make your job easier this week?” You’re engaging with their motivation and their hurdles.
• For Anyone at a Networking Event: The classic “So, what do you do?” is fine, but the magic happens with the follow-up: “What got you interested in that field?” or “What’s the most exciting thing you’re working on?” You’re digging into their story, their interests.

Common Questions

Question: Isn’t this just being fake or manipulative?

Answer: Only if you’re faking it. The real power comes from a place of genuine curiosity. You have to actually want to understand the other person. If it’s just a script, people will sense it. The goal is sincere connection, not extraction.

Question: What if I don’t know anything about their interests?

Answer: That’s the beautiful part! You don’t need to be an expert. You just need to be a great asker of questions. “How did you get into that?” “What do you love most about it?” Let them be the teacher. People love to share their expertise.

Question: Don’t I still need to get my own point across?

Answer: Absolutely. But here’s the secret: once you’ve built that bridge of trust by understanding their world, they are infinitely more receptive to hearing about yours. You earn the right to be heard.

Question: How is this different from active listening?

Answer: It’s the specific application of it. Active listening is the technique; talking in terms of their interests is the strategic direction you point that technique in. It’s the “what” you’re actively listening for.