Tell them what they did right before you Meaning Factcheck Usage

You know, “Tell them what they did right before you ask them to do better” is one of those deceptively simple pieces of advice. It’s not about manipulation; it’s about opening a door. It’s the psychological key to getting someone to actually *hear* your critique instead of just defending themselves.

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Table of Contents

• Meaning
• Explanation
• Origin & Factcheck
• Context
• Usage Examples
• FAQ

Meaning

The core message is straightforward: affirmation must precede adjustment. You build on a foundation of what’s working before you try to fix what isn’t.

Explanation

Let me break down why this works so well, and it’s something I’ve seen play out a hundred times. When you start with what someone did right, you’re doing two powerful things. First, you’re validating their effort and their intelligence—you’re showing you see the good. This immediately lowers their defensive shields. It makes them feel like you’re on the same team. And second, you’re framing the upcoming criticism not as a failure, but as the *next logical step* in their progress. You’re essentially saying, “You’re already 80% of the way there, let’s get you to 100%.” It transforms feedback from an attack into a collaborative problem-solving session. The psychology is flawless.

Quote Summary

Context	Attributes
Original Language	English (4111)
Category	Business (319)
Topics	feedback (11), motivation (122)
Literary Style	stepwise (10)
Emotion / Mood	encouraging (328)
Overall Quote Score	65 (51)

Origin & Factcheck

This wisdom comes straight from Dale Carnegie’s legendary 1936 book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” specifically from the chapter “How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking.” It’s a cornerstone of his philosophy. You’ll sometimes see similar sentiments floating around, but this specific phrasing is pure Carnegie, born from his work in early 20th-century American self-improvement and sales training.

Attribution Summary

Context	Attributes
Author	Dale Carnegie (790)
Source Type	Book (4634)
Source/Book Name	How to Make Our Listeners Like Us (32)
Origin Timeperiod	Modern (866)
Original Language	English (4111)
Authenticity	Verified (4634)

Where is this quotation located?

Quotation	Tell them what they did right before you ask them to do better
Book Details	Publication Year/Date: circa 1956 (course booklet) ISBN/Unique Identifier: Unknown Last edition. Number of pages: Common reprints ~32–48 pages (varies by printing)
Where is it?	Section Constructive Suggestion, Unverified – Edition 1956, page range ~42–44

Context

In the book, Carnegie places this principle right in the middle of discussing how to criticize without causing resentment. He wasn’t just talking about making people feel good; he was teaching a pragmatic method for leaders, salespeople, and anyone who needs to guide others to actually be more effective and get better results.

Usage Examples

This isn’t just theory. Here’s how it looks in the wild:

• For Managers: “Sarah, the data visualization in that report was incredibly clear and impactful—it really made the story pop. For the next one, let’s work on pulling the key insights into the executive summary right at the top to grab their attention immediately.”
• For Parents: “Hey buddy, I am so proud of how hard you concentrated on your homework tonight. You really stuck with it. Now, let’s take a quick look at these two math problems together—I think we can find the trick to them.”
• For Colleagues: “The flow of your presentation draft is really strong and the narrative is compelling. To make it even more powerful, what if we tightened up the opening slide to hook them in the first ten seconds?”

This approach is gold for anyone in a position of influence: coaches, teachers, team leads, you name it.

To whom it appeals?

Context	Attributes
Theme	Advice (756)
Audiences	coaches (1343), editors (5), managers (505), teachers (1329), team leaders (46)
Usage Context/Scenario	classroom feedback (1), coaching clinics (4), code reviews (4), performance reviews (25), practice debriefs (1)

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FAQ

Question: Doesn’t this come off as insincere or like a manipulation tactic?

Answer: Only if you’re insincere. The magic is in genuinely looking for the positive first. If you can’t find anything legitimately good, you probably shouldn’t be giving the feedback yet. Your intent matters.

Question: What if there’s genuinely nothing they did right?

Answer: Then you have a bigger problem than feedback. Maybe the task was wrong, the instructions were unclear, or the person is in the wrong role. Start there. There’s almost always *something* to acknowledge, even if it’s just their effort or willingness to try.

Question: Can you overuse this and make it lose its impact?

Answer: Absolutely. If you praise every single tiny thing, the meaningful praise gets diluted. Be specific and genuine. Praise the *right* things, not everything.

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