You know, “The goal of Nonviolent Communication is not” about putting on a polite mask. It’s about getting radically honest with yourself and others, which is often a lot harder but infinitely more effective.
Share Image Quote:
Table of Contents
Meaning
This quote cuts to the heart of it: NVC is a framework for authentic connection, not superficial social compliance. It’s about expressing what’s truly alive in you, not what you think you’re supposed to say.
Explanation
Let me tell you, this is where most people get NVC wrong at first. They think it’s just a fancy way to be “nice” and avoid conflict. But honestly? That “niceness” is often just a sophisticated form of inauthenticity. We say “yes” when we mean “no.” We say “it’s fine” when we’re actually seething inside. Rosenberg’s genius was realizing that this kind of “nice” communication is actually violent—it’s violent to our own truth. So NVC gives you the tools to be real. To say, “Hey, when you said that, I felt hurt because my need for respect wasn’t met,” instead of just shutting down or making a sarcastic comment. It’s real, it’s raw, and it’s the only path to genuine resolution. It’s about connecting from a place of truth, not a script.
Quote Summary
Reading Level80
Aesthetic Score80
Origin & Factcheck
This is a direct quote from Marshall B. Rosenberg’s seminal work, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The book was first published in the United States in 1999, and this concept is a central tenet repeated throughout the text. You won’t find it attributed correctly anywhere else.
Attribution Summary
Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | The goal of Nonviolent Communication is not to be nice; it’s to be real |
| Book Details | Publication Year: 1999; ISBN: 9781892005038; Last edition: 3rd Edition (2015); Number of pages: 264. |
| Where is it? | Chapter 9: Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves, Page 158 (2015 edition) |
Context
Within the book, this idea is presented as a crucial clarification. Rosenberg spends a lot of time dismantling the myth that expressing our true feelings and needs is impolite or aggressive. He frames “niceness” as a social convention that often gets in the way of the compassionate, honest relationships we truly crave.
Usage Examples
So how does this play out in real life? Let me give you a couple of scenarios.
First, think about a manager giving feedback. Instead of the “nice” but vague “You could do better,” NVC pushes for the “real”: “When the report was submitted late, I felt concerned because I have a need for reliability in our team’s workflow. Could we talk about what support you might need to meet the next deadline?” It’s direct, it’s clear, and it’s aimed at solving the real problem.
Or in a personal relationship. Instead of the silent treatment (a “nice” way of being punishing), you get real: “I notice I’m feeling distant. When we didn’t talk last night, my need for connection felt unmet. Would you be willing to share what was going on for you?” It’s vulnerable, not accusatory. This is gold for leaders, therapists, coaches, parents, partners—anyone who wants to stop playing games and start building trust.
To whom it appeals?
Share This Quote Image & Motivate
Motivation Score85
Popularity Score88
Shareability Score85
FAQ
Question: Isn’t being “real” just an excuse to be harsh and blunt?
Answer: Great question, and a common fear. No, not at all. The “real” in NVC is always coupled with empathy and compassion. You’re expressing your truth while simultaneously holding space for the other person’s feelings and needs. It’s the opposite of a blunt attack.
Question: How is “being nice” violent?
Answer: It’s violent to your own spirit when you consistently silence your authentic voice to keep the peace. It also often leads to passive-aggressive behavior, resentment, and ultimately, a breakdown in the relationship—which is a form of violence to the connection itself.
Question: Can this really work in a corporate environment that values politeness?
Answer: It’s a shift, for sure. But think of it this way: Politeness often preserves the status quo, while compassionate honesty drives growth and innovation. It’s about reframing “real” communication as the most professional and effective tool you have.
Similar Quotes
You know, the objective of Nonviolent Communication isn’t about changing people. It’s a total mindset shift from trying to win to building a genuine connection. It flips the script on…
You know, “The purpose of Nonviolent Communication is to remind us” of something we’ve always known deep down. It’s not about learning a new trick, but about peeling back the…
The more we practice Nonviolent Communication reveals a profound truth. It’s not just a technique, it’s a path to our natural state of compassion. This shifts the entire goal from…
Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us. It’s a game-changer that reframes every difficult conversation you’ll ever have. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Table of…
Our survival as a species may depend on our ability… It’s a bold statement, right? But when you really sit with it, you start to see it’s not just about…
