You know, the more you focus on being perfect… the more you actually push people away. It’s counterintuitive, but that relentless pursuit of flawlessness creates a wall between you and genuine connection. Let’s break down why this happens.
Share Image Quote:Table of Contents
Meaning
At its core, this quote means that perfectionism is a form of social self-sabotage. It’s the idea that your desire to appear flawless actively prevents you from forming real, authentic bonds with others.
Explanation
Here’s the thing I’ve seen time and again, both in my own work and with clients. When you’re in your head, meticulously crafting the perfect response, worrying about saying the wrong thing, or trying to project an ideal image… you’ve left the conversation. You’re no longer present with the person in front of you. You’re on a stage performing for an audience of one—your own critical self. And people sense that. They feel the lack of authenticity. They can’t connect with a performance; they connect with a person, with all their beautiful, relatable imperfections. It’s the cracks that let the light in, right? That’s where real connection lives.
Quote Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Category | Relationship (329) |
| Topics | authenticity (101), connection (265), perfectionism (24) |
| Literary Style | direct (414), minimalist (442) |
| Emotion / Mood | honest (52), provocative (175) |
| Overall Quote Score | 80 (256) |
Origin & Factcheck
This wisdom comes straight from Leil Lowndes’s 2002 book, Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work, published in the United States. You might sometimes see similar sentiments floating around, but this specific, powerful phrasing is Lowndes’s. She was writing specifically for an audience struggling with social anxiety, which makes the insight even more potent.
Attribution Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Leil Lowndes (235) |
| Source Type | Book (4032) |
| Source/Book Name | Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work (50) |
| Origin Timeperiod | Contemporary (1615) |
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4032) |
Author Bio
Leil Lowndes writes about striking conversations with unknown people and how to put others at ease and maintain relationships. Her techniques are straightforward and practically usable that readers can apply immediately in their workplace, and everyday life. Her book list includes How to Talk to Anyone and Goodbye to Shy which have reached international audiences.
Official Website |Facebook | X | YouTube |
Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | The more you focus on being perfect, the less you’ll connect with people |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 2000; ISBN: 9780071412946; Last edition: McGraw-Hill, 2004; Number of pages: 304 |
| Where is it? | Chapter 43: Connection Over Perfection, Approximate page from 2004 edition |