You know, “The remembering self and the experiencing self often disagree” is such a powerful insight. It basically explains why we make so many irrational decisions about our own happiness. We’re constantly fighting a battle between two different versions of ourselves.
Share Image Quote:It means the part of you that *lives* an experience and the part of you that *remembers* it later have completely different, and often conflicting, opinions on what was actually enjoyable or meaningful.
Let me break it down. Your “experiencing self” is you in the moment. It’s feeling the sun on your skin, the taste of the coffee, the slight frustration of a long line. It lives in real-time. Now, your “remembering self” is the storyteller. It’s the version of you that looks back and creates a narrative. And here’s the kicker—the remembering self doesn’t care about the duration of an experience. It only cares about the peak moment and the end. So you can have a two-week vacation that’s 90% fantastic, but if it ends with a terrible flight delay, your remembering self will categorize the whole trip as “that time we got stuck at the airport.” The experiencing self had 13 great days; the remembering self fixates on the last 6 hours. It’s a fundamental bug in our psychological software.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Category | Emotion (177) |
| Topics | experience (26), memory (50), self (15) |
| Literary Style | philosophical (434) |
| Emotion / Mood | provocative (175) |
| Overall Quote Score | 83 (302) |
This concept comes directly from Daniel Kahneman’s 2011 book, Thinking, Fast and Slow. It’s a cornerstone of his Nobel Prize-winning work on behavioral economics. You sometimes see similar ideas floating around, but this specific framing of the two selves is uniquely his.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Daniel Kahneman (54) |
| Source Type | Book (4032) |
| Source/Book Name | Thinking, Fast and Slow (54) |
| Origin Timeperiod | 21st Century (1892) |
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4032) |
Dr Daniel Kahneman transformed how we think about thinking. Trained in Israel and at UC Berkeley, he built a career spanning Hebrew University, UBC, UC Berkeley, and Princeton. His partnership with Amos Tversky produced prospect theory and the heuristics-and-biases program, culminating in the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences. He engaged broad audiences through bestselling books and practical frameworks for better decisions. He continued writing and advising late into life, leaving ideas that shape economics, policy, medicine, and management. If you want to dive deeper, start with the Dr Daniel Kahneman book list and explore his enduring insights.
| Official Website
| Quotation | The remembering self and the experiencing self often disagree about what makes life pleasant or meaningful |
| Book Details | Publication Year: 2011; ISBN: 9780374275631; Latest Edition: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013; Number of pages: 499. |
| Where is it? | Part IV: Choices, Chapter 35: Two Selves, Approximate page 382 (2013 edition) |
In the book, Kahneman uses this to challenge how we measure well-being and happiness. He argues that when we say we want a “happy life,” we need to ask: are we talking about a life filled with more momentary joy (the experiencing self) or a life that we can look back on with satisfaction (the remembering self)? They are not the same thing.
This is incredibly practical. Think about it when:
Honestly, anyone making decisions about their own or others’ happiness needs to understand this.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Theme | Concept (265) |
| Audiences | coaches (1277), psychologists (197), students (3111), therapists (555), writers (363) |
| Usage Context/Scenario | mindfulness talks (28), philosophy writing (2), psychology classes (24), self-awareness seminars (1), therapy discussions (37) |
Question: Which self should we listen to?
Answer: That’s the million-dollar question. Kahneman suggests there’s no right answer—it’s a philosophical choice. Do you want to maximize your moment-to-moment experience, or curate a life that looks good in retrospect? Most of us are trying to do both, which is where the tension comes from.
Question: Can we train ourselves to align them better?
Answer: To some extent, yes. Mindfulness practices can strengthen the experiencing self. And for the remembering self, you can actively “bank” positive memories by taking photos, journaling about good moments, and consciously reflecting on the full duration of an experience, not just its end.
Question: Is one of these selves more “true”?
Answer: Not really. The experiencing self is more accurate in the moment, but the remembering self is the one that shapes our identity, our stories, and our future decisions. In a very real way, we are our remembering self.
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