The way to develop the best… is a simple truth we often overlook. It’s about unlocking potential not through criticism, but through genuine, positive reinforcement.
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Meaning
At its core, this is about human motivation. It argues that people’s highest potential is unlocked not by being told what they’re doing wrong, but by having their strengths and efforts genuinely recognized.
Explanation
Look, I’ve seen this play out for years in teams I’ve managed. The old-school method is to find the flaw and fix it, right? But that just puts people on the defensive. What Carnegie nailed is the psychology of it. When you appreciate someone’s effort, even if the result isn’t perfect, you’re fueling their intrinsic desire to do better. You’re not just building a skill, you’re building a person’s confidence. And a confident person? They take risks, they innovate, they go the extra mile. It’s a fundamental shift from being a critic to being a catalyst.
Quote Summary
Reading Level45
Aesthetic Score74
Origin & Factcheck
This quote comes straight from Dale Carnegie’s legendary book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, first published in the United States back in 1936. You sometimes see it misattributed to other self-help gurus or even historical figures, but its home is unequivocally in Carnegie’s work, specifically in the section on how to change people without giving offense.
Attribution Summary
Author Bio
Dale Carnegie(1888), an American writer received worldwide recognition for his influential books on relationship, leadership, and public speaking. His books and courses focus on human relations, and self confidence as the foundation for success. Among his timeless classics, the Dale Carnegie book list includes How to Win Friends and Influence People is the most influential which inspires millions even today for professional growth.
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Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 1936 original, Revised Edition 1981, ISBN/Unique Identifier: 9780671723651, Last edition. Number of pages: Revised Edition 1981, approx 291 pages |
| Where is it? | Part Four: Be a Leader, Chapter 8 |
Context
In the book, this idea isn’t presented in a vacuum. It’s part of a larger principle Carnegie calls “Begin with praise and honest appreciation.” He sets it up as a direct alternative to outright criticism, which he famously said “is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.” So this quote is the positive, constructive antidote to that poison.
Usage Examples
This isn’t just theory; it’s a daily practice. Here’s how it looks in the wild:
- For Managers: Instead of “This report is late,” try “I really appreciate the thorough research you put into this, the data in section two is fantastic. Let’s figure out a process to get this level of quality delivered a bit earlier next time.” See the difference?
- For Parents: Instead of focusing on the B, celebrate the A. “I saw how hard you studied for your history test, and it paid off! I’m so proud of your dedication.” You’re encouraging the behavior you want to see.
- For Colleagues: A simple, specific, “Hey, the way you handled that client call was masterful, you turned a really tense situation around,” can make someone’s week and reinforce brilliant soft skills.
To whom it appeals?
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Common Questions
Question: Isn’t this just being soft or avoiding difficult conversations?
Answer: Not at all. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s a strategic way to make difficult conversations more productive. By starting with appreciation, you build the psychological safety needed to then address the tougher issues. It’s not about avoiding; it’s about framing.
Question: What if the person doesn’t do anything worthy of appreciation?
Answer: Then you’re not looking hard enough. It doesn’t have to be about the final outcome. Appreciate the effort, the willingness to try a new method, the positive attitude they brought to a meeting. Find the flicker and fan it.
Question: Can this feel manipulative if you’re not genuine?
Answer: Absolutely, 100%. This is the most important caveat. People have a near-perfect radar for insincerity. The appreciation must be specific, honest, and heartfelt. If you’re just going through the motions, it will backfire. The goal is influence, not manipulation.
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