To connect find common ground and stay there Meaning Factcheck Usage

Context

In the book, this isn’t just a throwaway line. It’s the foundational principle that underpins many of her 92 “tricks.” Lowndes frames this for professional and social success, teaching that connection is a skill you can hone, not a personality trait you’re born with. It’s about making the other person feel heard and valued, which in turn makes them see you in a positive light.

Usage Examples

Here’s how this plays out in the real world. Let’s say you’re in a meeting and someone mentions they love hiking. Instead of just saying “Oh, me too!” and moving on, you *stay there*. You ask, “That’s awesome, what’s the best trail you’ve been on recently?” or “Do you prefer mountain trails or coastal walks?” You’re building the connection on *their* passion.

Another example? Networking events. Your goal isn’t to hand out 20 business cards. It’s to have 2 or 3 substantial conversations where you find a common thread—maybe you both went to the same university, work in a related industry, or are frustrated by the same software—and you explore that thread. You’ll be memorable.

This is gold for salespeople building rapport with clients, managers connecting with their teams, and honestly, anyone trying to make a new friend.

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FAQ

Question: What if I can’t find any common ground?

Answer: You’re not digging deep enough. Common ground isn’t always a hobby; it can be a shared feeling (like frustration with traffic), a common experience (being a parent), or even a mutual dislike. Ask more open-ended questions about their life, their challenges, their opinions. You’ll find a thread.

Question: How long do I “stay there”? Won’t it get boring?

Answer: You stay there until you feel a genuine sense of rapport. It’s a dance, not a marathon. The goal isn’t to exhaust the topic, but to use it as a foundation. Once you’ve built that trust, the conversation can naturally flow to other things, but you can always circle back to that initial common ground to reinforce the connection.

Question: Isn’t this manipulative?

Answer: Only if your intent is fake. If you’re genuinely trying to find a point of mutual interest to build a real human connection, it’s the opposite of manipulation. It’s empathy. It’s showing someone that you see and value them. The difference is in your intention.