Try honestly to see things… it sounds simple, right? But this little piece of advice from Dale Carnegie is arguably the single most powerful lever for improving any relationship, professional or personal. It’s the master key to unlocking cooperation and dissolving conflict.
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Table of Contents
Meaning
At its core, this is about radical empathy. It’s not just hearing the other person, but actively working to understand their perspective, their motivations, and the “why” behind their stance.
Explanation
Look, I’ve been using this principle for years, and here’s the thing everyone misses: it’s an active process, not a passive one. You have to consciously step out of your own head, with all its biases and its own little movie, and try to sit in their director’s chair. It’s about asking “What’s their world look like? What pressures are they under? What are they trying to protect?” When you do that, arguments stop being battles and start becoming puzzles you can solve together. The goal isn’t necessarily agreement—it’s understanding. And from understanding, everything else becomes possible.
Quote Summary
Reading Level45
Aesthetic Score58
Origin & Factcheck
This is straight from the bible of interpersonal skills, Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” first published in the United States back in 1936. You’ll sometimes see similar sentiments attributed to others, but this specific phrasing and its foundational role in modern persuasion and sales training is unequivocally Carnegie’s.
Attribution Summary
Author Bio
Dale Carnegie(1888), an American writer received worldwide recognition for his influential books on relationship, leadership, and public speaking. His books and courses focus on human relations, and self confidence as the foundation for success. Among his timeless classics, the Dale Carnegie book list includes How to Win Friends and Influence People is the most influential which inspires millions even today for professional growth.
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Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | Try honestly to see things from the other persons point of view |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 1936 original, Revised Edition 1981, ISBN/Unique Identifier: 9780671723651, Last edition. Number of pages: Revised Edition 1981, approx 291 pages |
| Where is it? | Part Three How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, Chapter Try Honestly to See Things from the Other Persons Point of View, Approximate page from 1981 edition 85-88 |
Context
In the book, this isn’t some fluffy, feel-good tip. It’s presented as a hard-nosed business and life strategy. Carnegie frames it as one of the fundamental principles for handling people without arousing resentment. He argues that you can’t win an argument by force, but you can “win” a person by seeing their side first.
Usage Examples
Let me give you a couple of real-world scenarios where this changes the game:
- Dealing with a Frustrated Client: Instead of defending your team’s timeline, you say, “Help me understand the pressure you’re under from your leadership that makes this deadline so critical.” You’re not agreeing, you’re understanding. It immediately de-escalates the situation.
- Navigating a Family Disagreement: Your partner wants to spend money on a vacation, you want to save. Instead of a budget battle, you ask, “What does that trip represent for you? Is it about relaxation, adventure, creating a memory for the kids?” You find the root need, not just the surface argument.
This is for leaders managing teams, salespeople dealing with objections, marketers understanding customers, and honestly, anyone in any kind of relationship.
To whom it appeals?
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Common Questions
Question: Does this mean I always have to agree with them?
Answer: Absolutely not. That’s the biggest misconception. Understanding someone’s point of view doesn’t mean surrendering your own. It just means you’re informed enough to find a solution that actually addresses their core concerns, not just the surface-level noise.
Question: What if their point of view is just… wrong?
Answer: Great question. If you start by telling them they’re wrong, you’ve already lost. But if you start by genuinely understanding why they believe what they do, you now have a map of their reasoning. You can then gently guide them by asking questions that expose the flaws in that reasoning, making it their discovery, not your correction.
Question: How do you actually *do* this when you’re in the heat of an argument?
Answer: It takes practice. The first step is the hardest: shut up and listen. Really listen. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Then, paraphrase back what you heard. “So if I’m understanding you correctly, you feel X because of Y…” This simple act forces you to process their perspective and shows them they’ve been heard, which is often half the battle.
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