We always judge ourselves by our intentions… it’s one of those quotes that hits you right between the eyes, doesn’t it? It perfectly captures the fundamental disconnect in human perception. Let’s break down why this simple sentence is so profoundly true.
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Meaning
At its core, this quote is about a universal cognitive bias: we give ourselves a massive benefit of the doubt that we rarely extend to anyone else.
Explanation
Okay, so think about the last time you snapped at a colleague. In your mind, you’re probably thinking, “Look, I’m just incredibly stressed, the project is on fire, I haven’t slept…” Your *intention* wasn’t to be a jerk; it was a reaction to pressure. But from their perspective? They just see the action. The sharp tone. The dismissive comment. They judge you based on that observable behavior. And you do the exact same thing to them. It’s a total double standard, and we’re all guilty of it. This is the engine of so many misunderstandings, in business and in life. We’re the heroes of our own story, while everyone else is just a side character whose motives we question.
Quote Summary
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Origin & Factcheck
This specific phrasing comes from Paulo Coelho’s 2008 novel, “The Winner Stands Alone.” Now, you’ll often see this idea floating around attributed to everyone from Stephen Covey to random internet sages. But the clean, modern literary version is Coelho’s. It’s a concept that’s been around in psychology and philosophy for ages, but he packaged it in a way that really sticks.
Attribution Summary
Author Bio
Paulo Coelho(1947) is a world acclaimed novelist known for his writings which covers spirituality with underlying human emotion with a profound storytelling. His transformative pilgrimage along the Camino de Santiago inspired his breakthrough book, The Pilgrimage which is soon followed by The Alchemist< which went on to become the best seller. Through mystical narratives and introspective style, Paulo Coelho even today inspires millions of people who are seeking meaning and purpose in their life
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Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | We always judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions |
| Book Details | Publication Year: 2008 (Brazil); ISBN: 978-0-06-175044-1; Latest Edition: Harper Perennial 2009; 368 pages. |
| Where is it? | Approximate page 33, Chapter: The Mirror of Judgment |
Context
In the book, this line surfaces amidst the cutthroat, image-obsessed world of the Cannes Film Festival. It’s a perfect backdrop—a place where everyone’s actions are constantly on display and being judged, while their hidden intentions, their private struggles and ambitions, remain completely invisible. The quote is a commentary on that brutal environment.
Usage Examples
This isn’t just a nice quote for a poster. It’s a practical lens. I use it all the time.
- In Team Management: When a report misses a deadline, my first instinct might be “they’re being lazy.” But applying this, I pause and ask, “What was their intention? What roadblocks did they face that I can’t see?” It changes the entire conversation from accusatory to collaborative.
- In Personal Relationships: Your partner forgets an important date. The action is forgetfulness. But their intention wasn’t to hurt you; they were likely just swamped. Flip it: when *you* forget something, you know your intention wasn’t malicious. See how it works?
- For Self-Reflection: It’s a powerful check on your own ego. It forces you to ask, “If someone else did what I just did, what would I think of them?” That’s a brutally honest mirror.
Honestly, anyone in a leadership role, anyone in a relationship, anyone who has to deal with other human beings… that’s the audience.
To whom it appeals?
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FAQ
Question: Is this quote saying we should never judge actions?
Answer: Not at all. Actions absolutely matter and have consequences. The power of the quote is in creating a pause—a moment of empathy and inquiry—before we rush to a final judgment. It’s about seeking the “why” behind the “what.”
Question: How can I stop doing this?
Answer: You probably can’t stop it completely—it’s a deep-seated bias. The win is in recognizing it. Make it a habit: when you feel yourself getting frustrated with someone’s action, consciously ask, “What might their positive intention have been?” And when you’re justifying your own behavior, flip it: “How would this look to an outside observer?”
Question: Does this mean intentions are more important than actions?
Answer: That’s the eternal debate, right? I’d say good intentions without good actions are often worthless. But understanding the intention behind a bad action is what allows for growth, forgiveness, and better outcomes next time. They’re two sides of the same coin.
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