We can t raise children who are more Meaning Factcheck Usage
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You know, that idea “We can’t raise children who are more resilient…” hits you right in the gut, doesn’t it? It’s a simple but brutal truth: our kids’ ability to bounce back is directly tied to our own. We have to do the inner work first if we want them to be brave.

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Table of Contents

Meaning

Our children’s resilience is limited by our own. Their capacity to handle adversity is built from watching us navigate our own.

Explanation

Look, I’ve seen this play out so many times. We tell our kids to be brave, to get back up when they fall, to not let failure define them. But then they watch us. They watch us avoid difficult conversations. They see us paralyzed by the fear of what other parents will think. They hear us beat ourselves up over a tiny mistake. That’s the real curriculum. It’s not what we *say*; it’s the behavior we model. Our own unwillingness to be vulnerable, to sit with discomfort, to admit we’re wrong… that creates a ceiling for our kids. We literally cannot give them a tool we refuse to pick up ourselves. It’s like trying to teach someone to swim from the safety of the dry deck.

Quote Summary

ContextAttributes
Original LanguageEnglish (3668)
CategoryPersonal Development (697)
Topicscourage (145), example (15), resilience (106)
Literary Styleconcise (408)
Emotion / Mooddetermined (116), motivating (311)
Overall Quote Score86 (262)
Reading Level70
Aesthetic Score85

Origin & Factcheck

This gem comes straight from the research of Dr. Brené Brown, specifically from her 2013 audiobook, The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting. You’ll sometimes see it floating around unattributed, but it’s 100% her work, born from her decades of studying courage, vulnerability, and shame.

Attribution Summary

ContextAttributes
AuthorBrene Brown (257)
Source TypeBook (4032)
Source/Book NameThe Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion, and Connection (35)
Origin Timeperiod21st Century (1892)
Original LanguageEnglish (3668)
AuthenticityVerified (4032)

Author Bio

Dr Brene Brown is the author of books such as Daring Greatly and The Power of Vulnerability. The TED talk and Netflix production based on her research reached out to millions of audience. She researches effects of courage and vulnerability in shaping people's work and relationships. She leads the Brené Brown Education and Research Group and provides evidence-based insights into practical tools to help people train themselves
Official Website |Facebook | X | Instagram | YouTube |

Where is this quotation located?

QuotationWe can’t raise children who are more resilient than we are willing to be
Book DetailsPublication Year/Date: 2013; ISBN/Unique Identifier: 978-1611801053; Last edition: 1st Edition (Sounds True, 2013). Number of pages: 160.
Where is it?Approximate page from 2013 edition, Chapter: Raising Resilient Children

Authority Score94

Context

In the audiobook, she’s talking about the concept of “Wholehearted” parenting. This isn’t about some theoretical, perfect parenting model. It’s about the gritty, day-to-day work of showing up, being seen, and living courageously right in front of our kids, especially when it’s hard. The quote lands as a call to action for parents to focus on their own growth.

Usage Examples

So how does this actually work in the real world? Let me give you a couple of scenarios.

First, imagine you’re a parent coaching your kid’s soccer team. The team loses a big game. The easy, default move is to blame the ref or a bad call. But the resilient move—the one that models what you want for your child—is to say, “You know what, that was a tough one. I’m proud of how we played in the second half. Let’s talk about what we can learn from this.” You’re modeling how to sit with disappointment without outsourcing the cause.

Or, think about a parent at home. Your kid sees you working on a presentation, and you get critical feedback. Instead of hiding your frustration or complaining about your boss, you could say, “Wow, that feedback was hard to hear. I’m feeling pretty defensive right now, but I’m going to sit with it and see what useful pieces are in there for me.” You’re showing them how to process criticism without crumbling.

This quote is for anyone in a leadership or caregiving role—parents, coaches, managers, teachers. It’s the foundational principle.

To whom it appeals?

ContextAttributes
ThemePrinciple (838)
Audiencescoaches (1277), leaders (2619), parents (430), teachers (1125)
Usage Context/Scenarioleadership coaching (130), motivational training (23), parenting seminars (18), school programs (14)

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Motivation Score89
Popularity Score91
Shareability Score90

FAQ

Question: Does this mean I have to be perfectly resilient myself?

Answer: Absolutely not. In fact, that’s the opposite of the point. It’s about being *willing* to try, to be seen struggling, and to get back up. Perfection is the enemy here.

Question: What if I’m not a very resilient person? Is it too late?

Answer: It’s never too late. The most powerful thing you can do is start now and be honest about the journey with your kids. Saying, “I’m working on being braver when things get hard” is a profound lesson in itself.

Question: How is this different from just telling kids to “be tough”?

Answer: “Be tough” is about suppressing emotion. Resilience is about feeling the emotion—the fear, the disappointment, the shame—and moving through it. It’s the difference between a brick wall and a willow tree that bends in the storm.

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