We cannot rely on our emotions to sustain love because feelings are famously fickle. This quote pushes us to see love as a deliberate, daily choice we make, an action we take even when the initial spark fades. It’s the secret to moving from fleeting passion to a love that truly lasts.
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Meaning
At its core, this quote means that love is an action and a commitment, not just a feeling. It’s a verb.
Explanation
Look, we’ve all been there. The initial rush of a relationship is incredible. It’s all fireworks and butterflies. But here’s the thing nobody tells you: those feelings are a chemical reaction. They’re designed to get you together, but they’re not designed to keep you together. That’s the real work.
What Chapman is saying is that when the fireworks fade—and they will—you’re left with a choice. Do you wait to *feel* in love again to act lovingly? Or do you choose to act lovingly, and in doing so, often rekindle the feeling? It’s a complete paradigm shift. You stop being a passenger in your relationship, just along for the emotional ride, and you become the driver. You take responsibility. You speak your partner’s love language even, and especially, when you don’t feel like it. That’s the secret sauce.
Quote Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Category | Relationship (329) |
| Topics | choice (55), commitment (33), discipline (252) |
| Literary Style | instructional (42), reflective (255) |
| Emotion / Mood | hopeful (357), realistic (354) |
| Overall Quote Score | 72 (65) |
Origin & Factcheck
This idea is central to Gary Chapman’s 1992 book, The 5 Love Languages, which originated in the United States. It’s a cornerstone of his entire philosophy. You sometimes see similar sentiments floating around, but this specific phrasing is Chapman’s and is a direct reflection of his work as a marriage counselor.
Attribution Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Gary Chapman (41) |
| Source Type | Book (4032) |
| Source/Book Name | The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (41) |
| Origin Timeperiod | Contemporary (1615) |
| Original Language | English (3668) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4032) |
Author Bio
Dr. Gary Chapman is a pastor/counselor who authored many books such as Five Love Languages which has transformed millions of relationships. He teaches families and couples on how to express love and care in ways that are understood. He holds multiple degrees from Wheaton, Wake Forest, and Southwestern Seminary, he blends scholarship with real-life counselling. For a quick overview of his works, check this Gary Chapman book list and find tips for better marriage, parenting, and personal growth.
| Official Website | Facebook | X| Instagram | YouTube
Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | We cannot rely on our emotions to sustain love; we must choose to love |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 1992; ISBN/Unique Identifier: 9780802412706; Last edition: Revised Edition (2015); Number of pages: 208 |
| Where is it? | Chapter 2: Keeping the Love Tank Full, Approximate page 32, Revised Edition (2015) |