We judge ourselves by our intentions and others Meaning Factcheck Usage

We judge ourselves by our intentions… it’s a simple phrase that reveals a massive blind spot in how we operate. It’s the reason conflicts escalate and teams break down, because we’re all running on different operating systems.

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Table of Contents

• Meaning
• Explanation
• Origin & Factcheck
• Context
• Usage Examples
• Common Questions

Meaning

This quote exposes the fundamental imbalance in human perception: we give ourselves a pass for our *intentions*, while we convict others based solely on their *actions*.

Explanation

Let me break it down how I see it in the real world. When I mess up a deadline, my internal monologue is a symphony of context: “I had three other projects, my kid was sick, the brief was unclear.” I judge myself on that whole story. But when a colleague misses a deadline? My brain, almost instantly, goes to: “They’re unreliable. They don’t respect my time.” See the gap? It’s a huge empathy gap. We live in the rich, detailed movie of our own lives, but we only see the badly edited trailer for everyone else’s. This concept is the absolute bedrock of fixing communication and building trust, especially in leadership. Once you see this pattern, you can’t unsee it.

Quote Summary

Context	Attributes
Original Language	English (3669)
Category	Wisdom (385)
Topics	bias (25), empathy (143), judgment (32)
Literary Style	aphoristic (181), clear (348)
Emotion / Mood	humble (74), provocative (175)
Overall Quote Score	89 (88)

Origin & Factcheck

This wisdom comes straight from Brené Brown’s 2018 book, *Dare to Lead*, which was published in the United States. It’s a cornerstone of her research on brave leadership. You’ll sometimes see similar sentiments floating around, but this specific, powerful phrasing is unequivocally hers.

Attribution Summary

Context	Attributes
Author	Brene Brown (257)
Source Type	Book (4032)
Source/Book Name	Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. (29)
Origin Timeperiod	21st Century (1891)
Original Language	English (3669)
Authenticity	Verified (4032)

Where is this quotation located?

Quotation	We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior
Book Details	Publication Year/Date: 2018; ISBN/Unique Identifier: 9780399592522; Last Edition: Random House 2018; Number of Pages: 320
Where is it?	Part III: Braving Trust, Approximate page from 2018 edition: 128

Context

In *Dare to Lead*, Brown isn’t just pointing out a psychological quirk. She frames this as a *skill* that daring leaders must master. It’s about moving from armoring up with self-justification to leaning into curiosity about others. The whole book is about choosing courage over comfort, and this is a prime example of that daily choice.

Usage Examples

So how do you actually use this? It’s a mental switch. Next time a team member says something that rubs you the wrong way, pause. Instead of assuming malice or incompetence, get curious. Ask a question like, “I want to make sure I’m following, can you help me understand your thinking there?” This shifts you from judge to investigator. It’s gold for managers navigating team friction, for spouses in a disagreement, for anyone in a collaborative space. It’s the ultimate conflict de-escalation tool.

To whom it appeals?

Context	Attributes
Theme	Insight (71)
Audiences	educators (295), leaders (2620), students (3112), therapists (555)
Usage Context/Scenario	emotional intelligence sessions (10), motivational writing (240), psychology discussions (19), team communication training (4)

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Common Questions

Question: Does this mean we should never hold people accountable for their behavior?

Answer: Not at all. Accountability is crucial. This is about the *first step* before accountability. It’s about seeking understanding so that when you do address the behavior, it’s from a place of clarity, not just reaction.

Question: How do you apply this to yourself?

Answer: Great question. Flip the script. When you’re evaluating your own performance, try to look at your *behavior* and its impact as if you were an outside observer. It’s a powerful way to cultivate self-awareness and real growth.

Question: Is this just about making excuses for other people?

Answer: No, it’s about giving them the same grace you automatically give yourself. It’s not about excusing bad behavior; it’s about understanding the “why” behind it before you respond. It’s the difference between assuming the worst and giving someone a chance to explain.