You know, that line “We lie to ourselves first, and to others second” is so brutally true. It’s the foundation of so much of the self-sabotage I see. The external deception always starts with an internal one.
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Meaning
At its core, this quote means that all deception is fundamentally rooted in self-deception. You have to buy your own story before you can sell it to anyone else.
Explanation
Look, I’ve seen this play out a thousand times. Our minds are masters of constructing a comfortable reality. We tell ourselves a story—”I’m not procrastinating, I’m just a perfectionist,” or “This business isn’t failing because of me, the market is just bad.” And here’s the kicker: we believe it. We genuinely do. That internal lie becomes our operating system. And then, when we communicate with the outside world, that lie just… flows out. It’s not even a conscious act of deception at that point; it’s just us reporting our skewed reality. The lie to others is simply the overflow, the external symptom, of a much deeper internal infection.
Quote Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (4111) |
| Category | Relationship (332) |
| Topics | honesty (29), others (2), self (15) |
| Literary Style | minimalist (508) |
| Emotion / Mood | realistic (399), somber (62) |
| Overall Quote Score | 77 (181) |
Origin & Factcheck
This gem comes straight from Daniel Goleman’s 1985 book, Vital Lies, Simple Truths: The Psychology of Self-Deception. People often misattribute deep psychological insights like this to Freud or Jung, but this one is all Goleman, written well before his blockbuster Emotional Intelligence made him a household name.
Attribution Summary
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Daniel Goleman (125) |
| Source Type | Book (4610) |
| Source/Book Name | Vital Lies, Simple Truths: The Psychology of Self-Deception (61) |
| Origin Timeperiod | Modern (866) |
| Original Language | English (4111) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4610) |
Author Bio
Daniel Goleman is a psychologist and bestselling author whose journalism at The New York Times brought brain and behavior science to a wide audience. He earned a BA from Amherst and a PhD in psychology from Harvard, and studied in India on a Harvard fellowship. Goleman’s research and writing helped mainstream emotional intelligence, leadership competencies, attention, and contemplative science. He co-founded CASEL and a leading research consortium on EI at work. The Daniel Goleman book list includes Emotional Intelligence, Working with Emotional Intelligence, Primal Leadership, Social Intelligence, Focus, and Altered Traits.
| Official Website
Where is this quotation located?
| Quotation | We lie to ourselves first, and to others second |
| Book Details | Publication Year: 1985; ISBN: 9780743240156; Last edition: 1996 Harper Perennial; Number of pages: 288. |
| Where is it? | Approximate page from 1996 edition, Chapter 1: The Logic of Self-Deception |