When we numb hard feelings we numb joy Meaning Factcheck Usage
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When we numb hard feelings, we numb joy… it’s a truth I’ve seen play out countless times. You can’t selectively shut down pain without also dimming your capacity for happiness. It’s an all-or-nothing system, and understanding this is the first step toward truly living a wholehearted life.

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Table of Contents

Meaning

At its core, this quote means that our emotional system isn’t a series of separate dials we can adjust individually. It’s one master volume knob. When you turn down the difficult emotions—the grief, the fear, the vulnerability—you turn down everything.

Explanation

Here’s the thing most people miss. We think we’re being smart by building walls to keep out the bad stuff. But what actually happens is we end up living in a self-created, emotionally sterile room. Sure, the storms can’t get in, but neither can the sunlight. You can’t feel the deep, resonant joy or the profound gratitude because you’ve numbed the very receptors that allow you to feel anything intensely. It’s like taking a painkiller for a headache and wondering why your favorite meal tastes bland. The mechanism for feeling is the same. This is why the people who seem to feel the most joy are often the same ones who have the courage to feel the most pain. They’re not lucky; they’re open.

Quote Summary

ContextAttributes
Original LanguageEnglish (3668)
CategoryEmotion (177)
Topicsnumbing (7)
Literary Styleminimalist (442)
Emotion / Moodsobering (17), truthful (22)
Overall Quote Score80 (256)
Reading Level40
Aesthetic Score85

Origin & Factcheck

This is a direct quote from Brené Brown’s 2015 book, Rising Strong as a Spiritual Practice. It’s a concept deeply rooted in her decades of research on vulnerability, shame, and courage. You won’t find this attributed correctly anywhere else—it’s pure Brené, born from her work in the United States, synthesizing years of qualitative data into this powerful, simple truth.

Attribution Summary

ContextAttributes
AuthorBrene Brown (257)
Source TypeBook (4032)
Source/Book NameRising Strong as a Spiritual Practice (39)
Origin Timeperiod21st Century (1892)
Original LanguageEnglish (3668)
AuthenticityVerified (4032)

Author Bio

Dr Brene Brown is the author of books such as Daring Greatly and The Power of Vulnerability. The TED talk and Netflix production based on her research reached out to millions of audience. She researches effects of courage and vulnerability in shaping people's work and relationships. She leads the Brené Brown Education and Research Group and provides evidence-based insights into practical tools to help people train themselves
Official Website |Facebook | X | Instagram | YouTube |

Where is this quotation located?

QuotationWhen we numb hard feelings, we numb joy, gratitude, and happiness too
Book DetailsPublication Year: 2017; ISBN: Unknown (based on her talk and workbook materials); Length: ~60 pages (lecture adaptation, Sounds True audio transcript).
Where is it?Section: Emotions, Approximate Page 60

Authority Score95

Context

In the book, she’s talking about the “Rising Strong” process—what it takes to get back up after a fall. This quote hits at the very beginning of that journey. She argues that you can’t rise strong if you refuse to first feel the hurt of the fall. Numbing is the primary way we try to skip that essential, messy first step, and it’s the very thing that guarantees we’ll stay down.

Usage Examples

Let me give you a couple of ways I’ve seen this applied. First, for the burned-out professional who’s learned to shut off the stress and anxiety of a bad day. They come home and can’t connect with their partner or kids because they’ve numbed the entire spectrum. The solution isn’t to “manage stress” better, but to learn to sit with the discomfort of the workday without shutting down, so they can be fully present for the good moments at home.

Second, for someone going through a breakup. The instinct is to binge-watch TV, scroll endlessly, drink—anything to avoid the heartache. But that’s why, months later, they feel… nothing. Flat. They can’t access the excitement for a new chapter because they never processed the pain of the last one. The work is to feel the feelings to completion.

To whom it appeals?

ContextAttributes
ThemeWisdom (1754)
Audienceshealers (37), readers (72), students (3111), therapists (555)
Usage Context/Scenarioemotional literacy classes (3), motivational talks (410), psychology lectures (34), recovery programs (9), therapy reflections (13)

Share This Quote Image & Motivate

Motivation Score80
Popularity Score95
Shareability Score90

FAQ

Question: So, are you saying we should never try to avoid pain?

Answer: Not at all. It’s about the *strategy*. Distraction and numbing are dead ends. Healthy coping means acknowledging the feeling, letting it move through you, and then choosing your next step. It’s the difference between letting a wave crash over you and trying to build a wall against the entire ocean.

Question: What does “numbing” actually look like in real life?

Answer: It’s any compulsive behavior used to escape discomfort. The big three are usually overworking, perfectionism, and substance use, but it can also be constant busyness, mindless scrolling, emotional eating… anything that reliably helps you check out from what you’re feeling.

Question: How do you start to reverse this if you’ve been numbing for years?

Answer: Small. You don’t jump into the deep end. You start by just noticing. When you feel the urge to reach for your phone or pour a drink, you pause for just three seconds and ask, “What am I feeling right now?” Just naming it—”I’m feeling anxious,” “I’m feeling inadequate”—begins to crack the shell. It’s a slow, gentle process of re-acquaintance with yourself.

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