When you stop competing with others you start Meaning Factcheck Usage

Context

In the book, this idea isn’t presented in a vacuum. It’s nestled right in with skills like assertiveness and conflict resolution. The point they’re making is crucial: you can’t effectively resolve a conflict or collaborate if you’re secretly (or openly) trying to defeat the other person. Letting go of competition is the prerequisite for genuine, productive collaboration.

Usage Examples

So how does this play out in real life? Let me give you a couple of scenarios I see all the time.

• In a Team Meeting: Instead of shooting down a colleague’s idea to make yours look better, you build on it. You say, “I love what you’re saying about X, and what if we combined it with Y?” You’ve just turned a potential competitor into a co-creator.
• For a Sales Manager: Stop seeing other departments (like marketing or product) as rivals for budget or credit. Start asking, “How can we help each other hit our shared company goals?” You break down silos and build powerful internal alliances.
• For a Leader: Shift from commanding to coaching. Your role isn’t to be the smartest person in the room who everyone competes with, but to be the catalyst who helps your team members unlock their own potential. Their success becomes your success.

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FAQ

Question: But isn’t a little competition healthy? Doesn’t it drive performance?

Answer: Absolutely, but it depends on the context. Competing against a benchmark or against your own past performance is incredibly healthy. The problem is when you’re competing against the person right next to you. That creates a toxic, zero-sum environment where collaboration dies.

Question: How do you actually stop competing? It feels ingrained.

Answer: It starts with awareness. Catch yourself when you feel that defensive, one-upmanship urge rise. Then, consciously switch your goal from “winning the interaction” to “understanding this person.” Ask a question. Listen to the answer. It’s a muscle you build.

Question: Does this mean I should never advocate for myself or my ideas?

Answer: Not at all! This is about assertiveness, not aggression. You can passionately advocate for your perspective without framing it as a battle you need to win. It’s about presenting your case as a contribution to a shared solution, not as a weapon to beat others down.