You know, Brene Brown’s idea that “Who we are and how we engage…” is a game-changer. It shifts the entire parenting conversation from a checklist of techniques to the quality of your own presence. It’s less about what you do and more about who you are being in those tough moments.
Share Image Quote:The core message is simple but profound: Your character and your daily interactions are a far more powerful teaching tool than any parenting book or “expert” strategy you could ever learn.
Let me break this down. We get so caught up in the *what*—what time is bedtime, what are the rules for screen time, what is the “right” way to discipline. And look, those things have their place. But what Brown is telling us, and what I’ve seen proven true time and again, is that our children are absorbing our *way of being*. They are learning from how we handle stress. How we treat the cashier at the grocery store. How we apologize when we mess up. That’s the real curriculum. Your integrity, your empathy, your courage—or lack thereof—that’s what they’re mirroring. It’s the ultimate case of “more is caught than taught.”
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Original Language | English (3669) |
| Category | Relationship (329) |
| Topics | authenticity (101), connection (265), role modeling (5) |
| Literary Style | didactic (370), insightful (43) |
| Emotion / Mood | encouraging (304), realistic (354) |
| Overall Quote Score | 82 (297) |
This quote comes straight from Brené Brown’s work, specifically her audiobook “The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting,” which was published in 2013. It’s a common one to see floating around social media, and it’s always correctly attributed to her. You won’t find it mistakenly credited to other parenting gurus; this is pure, uncut Brené Brown wisdom.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Author | Brene Brown (257) |
| Source Type | Book (4032) |
| Source/Book Name | The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion, and Connection (35) |
| Origin Timeperiod | 21st Century (1892) |
| Original Language | English (3669) |
| Authenticity | Verified (4032) |
Dr Brene Brown is the author of books such as Daring Greatly and The Power of Vulnerability. The TED talk and Netflix production based on her research reached out to millions of audience. She researches effects of courage and vulnerability in shaping people's work and relationships. She leads the Brené Brown Education and Research Group and provides evidence-based insights into practical tools to help people train themselves
Official Website |Facebook | X | Instagram | YouTube |
| Quotation | Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting |
| Book Details | Publication Year/Date: 2013; ISBN/Unique Identifier: 978-1611801053; Last edition: 1st Edition (Sounds True, 2013). Number of pages: 160. |
| Where is it? | Approximate page from 2013 edition, Chapter: Modeling Courage |
In the audiobook, she’s building on her whole body of research on vulnerability, shame, and wholehearted living. She’s applying it directly to the parenting arena, arguing that we can’t give our children what we don’t have ourselves. The context is all about moving away from perfectionistic parenting and toward authentic connection.
So how do you actually use this? It’s a mindset shift. Instead of frantically googling “how to stop a toddler tantrum,” you might pause and ask yourself, “How do *I* want to handle big, overwhelming feelings? Am I modeling that?”
Who needs this quote? Honestly, every parent I’ve ever met. But especially the ones who are burning themselves out trying to follow every rule and do everything “right.” It’s a permission slip to focus on your own growth, knowing it’s the greatest gift you can give your kid.
| Context | Attributes |
|---|---|
| Theme | Wisdom (1754) |
| Audiences | leaders (2620), life coaches (15), parents (430), psychologists (197), teachers (1125) |
| Usage Context/Scenario | keynote addresses (2), leadership coaching (130), motivational speeches (345), parenting seminars (18), teacher training (15) |
Question: Does this mean I shouldn’t learn any parenting techniques at all?
Answer: Not at all! Knowledge is power. But this quote re-orders the priorities. Techniques are the “what,” but your character is the “who” that delivers them. A gentle parenting technique delivered with seething resentment doesn’t work. Your being trumps your knowing.
Question: So if I’m not a perfect person, am I doomed to mess up my kids?
Answer: That’s the beautiful part. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being *authentic*. Messing up, owning it, and repairing the connection is one of the most powerful lessons you can teach. It models courage and compassion in real-time.
Question: How is this different from “do as I say, not as I do”?
Answer: It’s the complete opposite! “Do as I say, not as I do” is the old, broken model this quote dismantles. Kids are hardwired to *do as you do*. This quote calls us to align our actions with our words, to embody the values we hope to instill.
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