You are more likely to influence people by being interested in them than by trying to impress them

Meaning

The genuine curiosity about others is a far more important tool for influence than any attempt to showcase your own accomplishments or intelligence.

Explanation

We’re all hardwired to care about our own lives, our own problems, our own stories. When you walk into a room trying to impress people, you’re essentially asking them to pay attention to your broadcast. But, everyone is already tuned to their own station.

When you become genuinely interested in their broadcast, you do something powerful. You validate them. You make them feel important. It creates a sense of connection and obligation that is infinitely more effective than pushing your own agenda.

Origin & Factcheck

The exact quote text does not appear in the book, but the meaning is covered in the book extensively.

Context

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Usage Examples

It’s all about the questions you ask about others.

• In a Sales Pitch: Instead of leading with your product’s ten best features, start by asking the prospect about their biggest current challenge. Let them talk. Your features then become the solution to their problem.
• Networking at an Event: What’s exciting you about your work right now? or What brought you to this event? Listen to the answer. The connection you build will be stronger than any business card exchange.
• Managing a Team: Before assigning a task, understand your team member’s interests and career goals. Position the work in such a way that aligns with what they care about. You’ll see greater commitment, not just compliance.

This is very useful for leaders, salespeople, marketers, coaches, anyone who needs to build rapport and get others to see their point of view.

Common Questions

Question: What if the other person just talks about themselves the whole time?
Answer: Let them! In that scenario, you’ve already won. They will leave the conversation feeling heard and positive about the interaction, which is a huge win for influence.

Question: How do I balance being interested with still getting my point across?
Answer: It’s a dance, not a monologue. You listen, you ask a follow up question, and then you might say, That’s fascinating. It actually reminds me of something I’ve been working on that could help with. You bridge their world to yours.

Question: Does this work in every culture?
Answer: The core principle is universal, people want to feel valued. However, the way you show interest (directness of questions, topics discussed) should be adjusted to cultural norms.