Find usage, book, related quotes, factcheck and origin of quote – When you want to persuade someone, let them do most of the talking.
The secret is to talk less and listen more to have real influence on others by making the other person feel heard.
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Meaning
The core message is that persuasion isn’t about defeating someone with your logic, it’s about creating a space so that they can arrive at your conclusion themselves.
Explanation
I’ve been in sales and leadership for over a decade, and this is one of the few principles that never, ever fails. We’re hardwired to believe our own ideas and talk about it all day long. When you do all the talking, you’re just building resistance. But when you ask questions and genuinely listen, you’re letting them build the case for you, in their own mind. It’s making a shift from being a salesperson to being a problem-solver. This magic happens in the silence between their words.
Summary
| Category | Skill (89) |
|---|---|
| Topics | communication (51), listening (21), persuasion (11) |
| Style | clear (40), didactic (53) |
| Mood | strategic (8) |
Origin & Factcheck
This is part of a larger section on how to win people to your way of thinking. Carnegie says that it as a fundamental law of human nature: people are far more interested in their own desires and problems than they are in yours.
| Author | Dale Carnegie (172) |
|---|---|
| Book | How to Win Friends and Influence People (43) |
About the Author
Dale Carnegie, an American writer received worldwide recognition for his influential books on relationship, leadership, and public speaking. Among his timeless classics, the Dale Carnegie book list includes How to Win Friends and Influence People is the most influential which inspires millions even today.
Official Website
Quotation Source:
| When you want to persuade someone, let them do most of the talking |
| Publication: first on 1936 and then 1981 Revised, ISBN: 9780671723651, Pages 280 |
| Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, Chapter 6: The safety valve in handling complaints, Page 153 |
Context
Excerpt from book where this quote appears
Mr. Cubellis had taken the trouble to find out about the accomplishments of his prospective employer. He showed an interest in the other person and his problems. He encouraged the other person to do most of the talking, and made a favorable impression.
Usage Examples
- For a Manager: Instead of dictating a solution to a team member, ask, “What are your thoughts on how we can hit this deadline?” Their own plan will always have more buy in than yours.
- For a Salesperson: Don’t pitch features. Ask, “What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing with your current provider?” Let them tell you the exact problem your product solves.
- In a Disagreement: Before defending your position, say, “Help me understand your perspective a bit better.”
To whom it appeals?
| Audience | leaders (290), negotiators (9), sales people (37), teachers (190) |
|---|---|
This quote can be used in following contexts: sales training,leadership coaching,conflict resolution,communication workshops,negotiation programs
Common Questions
Question: What if the person just doesn’t talk?
Answer: That’s where your skill comes in. You have to ask better, more open-ended questions. “What led you to that conclusion?” or “Can you tell me more about that?” Silence is also okay. It gives them space to think.
Question: So I just never state my own opinion?
Answer: You do, but you time it. You state it after you’ve fully understood theirs. Then you can share your idea as a solution to the problems and needs rather than proposing based on assumptions.